wonder: coming to theaters soon

three years ago, when finn was a 5th grader, he excitedly told me about
a book his teacher was reading aloud in class.  up until that point, there were
very few books that would excite finn, beyond harry potter or technical books
that related to space aircraft, so i listened attentively. he told me the book was
titled, wonder. i knew this book was special because finn talked about it for a
good half hour. i was intrigued at the story, the message it taught and decided
to purchase the audible book for our upcoming 5 hour road trip to phoenix
{10 hours roundtrip}.


scout prefers reading over listening and when finn said "mom we HAVE to have a copy
for our home library, i purchased one. scout read the entire book during that trip, and
despite finn having had the story read aloud to him just a few months earlier, he was
happy to listen to the book with me. for the entire trip, we had headphones in one ear
{c provided me with a 'splitter' to allow this}.  we laughed, cried and cheered as we
were pulled into the story of auggie pullman, a 5th grade boy who was born with a
genetic disorder known as treacher collins syndrome. i think now i was the only one
who cried while listening during that roadtrip, but we all loved the story. several teacher
friends have told me wonder has become required reading for many 5th grade classrooms,
and it's no surprise to me. it's one of our favorite books to give as a birthday gift.


i just learned the movie version will be out this fall. the boys and i watched the trailer
last night and WOW! the movie appears to be well casted with jacob tremblay starring as
as the main character, auggie, and owen wilson and julia roberts plaing his parents.   


we are anxiously looking forward to the film, and if it's even half as good as the novel,
it will be time and money well spent.  njoy the trailer and if you haven't read the book,
i encourage you to read it before the movie comes out. you'll see why this book is loved
by children, parents and teachers. just don't forget the tissues when you hit the theaters
this november. {you'll need 'em}

scout benjamin: our double digit kid

i can't believe i'm 10. it feels a little weird being double digits now.
- scout benjamin gerber




scout, today, you are celebrating your first double digit birthday. leading up to your big day, you said that you couldn't believe you were turning 10!  you said you loved being 9 and hoped 10 would be as good. i feel the same way. nine was wonderful, with so much growth emotionally. you've gone from a little boy to a big boy and it's been pure joy watching you grow. 
my tradition continues with a special birthday post to you. here are TEN things i want you to remember as you enter this next phase of your life:


1.  You have a heart of gold. if i asked you what your superpower is, you might tell me it's your soccer skills, or that you are great at math or spelling. it's true, you are good at these things, but i'd say your superpower is your sensitivity. you feel everything tremendously scout: time passing, memories, love and loss. just last night, we found your childhood blanket in the hall closet. you held it close and told me how many memories you have of that blanket. your eyes were a little watery as you shared one with me. oh scout, hold on to this part of yourself...don't let society tell you that has to be stuffed down or hidden. you can be strong and feel everything. in fact, feeling makes you stronger. keep that big heart of yours as you grow - it illuminates all those in it's path.
  

2. You don't give up - your dad and i know this, and your teachers, coaches and instructors recognize this as well. they admire your ability to focus and how determined you are. your 3rd/4th grade teacher {same teacher}, said you had "tenacity". whether you are doing khan academy, learning spanish, memorizing a recital piece, or learning a new soccer skill, you don't give up until you get it. sometimes it takes a few hours, a few weeks, months or even a year or longer for something really difficult. you are still working on mastering the rainbow {a soccer skill}, but you will stick to something until you get it. you seem to intuitively know that it doesn't matter how many times you fail, the important thing is to get right back up and try again. i hope this is something that you will do throughout your life scout. it will serve you well.


3.  You learned to whistle - Every year brings lots of firsts, and this year, you learned to whistle. you are pretty proud of yourself. you and your father are the only ones in the house that can do it. one day you simply announced you couldn't whistle and started practicing. you weren't a natural, but you kept at it for weeks until you got it. now you can whistle beautifully and can carry a tune. the star wars and star trek themes are your current favorites, and i know that when you are whistling, you are in a good mood. you promised to teach me to whistle one of these weekends. {i wish you luck son}


4. You still love to read. you've been reading for 6 years now scout, and your vocabulary and reading comprehension surpassed our new president's several years ago{no exaggeration}. you still eagerly share that jk rowling's harry potter series sparked your love of reading and it's the best series ever written! the first time you read it was in 1st grade and you've read the entire series four times since then. you never grow tired of it and I vow to get you and your brother to the wizarding world of harry potter at universal studios in hollywood this fall. other favorites books series of yours are: the unwanteds, the mysterious benedict society, and the ranger's apprentice.  you still bring a book with you every where you go and you don't care what others might think about your sitting in the large part of the shopping cart at target reading while i shop and push you around. i'll visit the home décor aisle to get you a pillow for your back to make you comfortable, and you read away. you often get interrupted by mothers saying how refreshing it is to see a child with their head in a book rather than electronics and you smile and go back to your reading. it's nothing new for you...it's just the way it's always been. on those rare occasions you don't have a book, i will give you my phone, but it's the exception. {like most males, you still detest shopping so i try not to bring you out with me when i have errands to run}


5. You travelled to Barcelona - after your best friend, spencer, moved to spain, we decided to save and visit him during spring break this year. what a trip we had! though the food and architecture didn't excite you like it did your mom, seeing your best friend again was a bit of heaven for you. spencer greeted us at the airport with his parents with a sign that said ' welcome to barcelona scout and angela'. i am sure you will never forget this trip, and i will never forget the look on your face as you reunited with your buddy. the highlights of this trip for you was attending school with spencer {you even wore a uniform}and going to a professional soccer game.  you saw fc barcelona play sevilla and win 3-0. lionel messi scored 2 of the goals and suarez scored one with a backwards bicycle kick that was truly AMAZING!  even this middle-aged momma was impressed.


6. Soccer is your passion - this is your 3rd year of competitive soccer. you played with riptide your first year and then moved to blast which is more local. your love for the game hasn't slowed down even an teensy bit. if anything, it grows stronger by the day. you are passionate about it scout - playing, watching, and learning everything you can about the sport. every parent wants their child to find their passion. there's nothing more gratifying to us when our children do, and you my son, have found yours. this may change from soccer to something else someday, but i hope you always have passions. they make life more meaningful and interesting. your dad and i will support whatever it is that excites you. for now that's soccer and it's been fun seeing your growth and maturity over the past year. when you lose a game, you still get angry or sad {depending on the situation}, BUT there are no more verbal outbursts from you and no big bursts of tears. you feel deeply, but you stay composed on the field. we are proud of you scout, but more importantly, you are proud of yourself. you've come a long way.


7. You love chocolate and are highly ticklish - you love all types of chocolate, but twix candy bars are your favorite! snickers and kit kat are the runner ups. you also are crazy ticklish and not just under your arms or your ribs either. you are ticklish practically EVERYWHERE and this makes it rather tricky to give the massages you ask for after jr. lifeguards or soccer practice. you ask for one but then you giggle and jump up as soon as i touch you. we work around it by me using the 'karate chop' method on your back. oh scout when we want to torture you, we all know what to do - we tickle you!!


the last are just things i want you to be aware of as you go from little boy to big boy:


8.  Pay attention to your life - you do a pretty good job of this now, finding ladybugs or snails that the rest of us just walk right by. you use the word 'savor' alot, and when you eat your dessert slowly, you tell the family you are "savoring" it, just like you do with the easter candy you still have. oh scout, hold on to this because life goes by fast. you are beginning to see this as you say goodbye forever to your single digit years. there is SO much to notice in the every day moments. as you get older, life will get busier and more complicated, but i encourage you to slow down like you do now and notice things. when we pay close attention to our experiences and our feelings, we are rewarded with fuller days and richer memories.


9. Never feel entitled - you don't struggle with this scout, but in a world where kids are overindulged and helicoptered, i wanted to list this because there is nothing worse to me than entitlement - in a child or an adult. your father and i have tried to teach and model for you how to work hard for everything you want - whatever that is. we expect you to carry your weight at home as part of our family. we know when things are handed to us or come too easily, and can't appreciate them the same way we do when we work hard for them. we hope your motivations will be for things that bring meaning to your life. if our family has a motto, it's "people and experiences are important, things aren't". though material things are nice and make our lives comfortable, we want you to always feel you have enough because you do. we are extremely fortunate to live as we do every day and we want you to recognize this. we have way more than we need. as a family, we make an effort to show gratitude - in the language that we use, to volunteering occasionally, and even sending thank you notes. all these little things are important - they bring an attitude of gratitude, teach you responsibility and ward off the entitlement monster.

10. Know you are loved, always - messing up is part of life buddy. you are going to make mistakes - lots of them. we all do. the point is to learn from them, let them go and start over. your dad and i will always love you, even when you behave in ways that we don't love. we encourage you to forgive others when they mess up. we also want you to try and surround yourself with friends who lift you up and make good choices, and who share similar values as you. you are still young and finding your way scout. don't let mistakes freeze you in your tracks. admit them, grow from them and move on. we do this as your parents every day, and you still love us, so be assured that when you make mistakes, we will still love you too...always.


happy birthday double digit kid!! you inspire our family in so many ways, including your big brother. {just re-read the birthday card he gave you}. we're lucky to have you as our youngest family member. you make our household SO much fun with your intensity, tenacity, and your big beautiful heart. we look forward to celebrating your birthday at the trampoline park soon!


love,
mom


your stats at age 10: you are 58 lbs. and 53" tall.
you are just about to grow out of size 7 clothing and into size 8. you wear a size 3 shoe.




disclaimer: i felt compelled to put in that trump reference because scout and i just heard him in an interview and OMG - it's truly pitiful. it's still shocking to me that this man is supposed to represent our country. i wish i could pack up and move somewhere else until he's out of office. ugh.

connie comes to cali

my dearest friend connie, who i've known for 20 years, came to visit last weekend!  i met this lovely lady back in tucson in a college  history class and we became
fast friends. we spent endless hours together, studying, hiking, clubbing, and she was my tour guide during my first trip to new york city. {she had lived there for a few years}.

that trip and the story surrounding it bonded us for life. after c and i moved to san diego, she and i have made a strong effort to get together once a year. i either go to arizona,
or she comes here. this year, she chose to come to the coast. some highlights of our time together:

- we attended a show at cafe sevilla in downtown san diego which included an 3-course meal with
seafood paella being the main course. we drank fruit filled sangria, enjoyed spanish guitar while watching a flamenco dancer in full costume stomp her feet and clap in rhythm. there was even a belly dancer who balanced a sword on her head while doing a full backbend and split. {connie whispered to me that we could do that if we wanted to - sure I said}. *wink*
- we spent time relaxing and talking - no matter how much we talk every month {and we do often}, there's still more when we get together. we talked about our dreams to travel more and where we want to go, our marriages, our children {her oldest daughter just graduated high school}, aging parents and of course what we are currently reading. connie even found time to read a bit in the backyard. she wanted to be outside as much as possible and reminded me she left 117 degrees back in tucson and was soaking up every second of the 78 san diego temps. she reminded me not to take it for granted.
- we did an old town trolley tour - i used tickets i had purchased for my mom during her recent visit. we never used them as she decided she'd rather spent the entire afternoon in old town wandering the streets and visiting the little shops. connie was happy to be the recipient of them. we started the tour in old town and spent 3 hours being driven all around san diego while the friendly tour guide/driver shared some history of san diego's downtown, our ball park, seaport village,
the historic barrio logan neighborhood, balboa park, and coronado.  afterwards we had lunch at café congress in old town.
and the weather was perfect the entire time...

-outdoor movie night - connie had yet to see the movie musical la la land and i was happy
to help make it happen for her. since this movie is meant to be seen on a large screen,
and because i have a patient hubby who really loves me {and wants our guests to enjoy their time with us}, he set up the oversized screen and speakers again ...something he had done a few
weeks earlier for a group of my girlfriends. i also invited a couple girls over who weren't able to attend the first showing and we gushed over ryan gosling. those of us who know and love the music did our best not to sing along.  we all hope to see this as a musical on stage soon {we've heard rumors it's in the works}.

- the presidio - we spent sunday getting coffee and visiting presidio park. i had been up to the presidio a few times for photo shoots but i had never been inside the museum. i was missing out because it was chock full of history. i am determined to see some more of california's missions over the next few years.

4th of July 2017

since we moved into our mid-century home almost 4 years ago, we have decided
not to fight the crowds at the beach, and stay home and invite friends who also don't
want to fight the beach crowds, to join us in the backyard for a  BBQ/pool party.

every year has been easy and so much fun, so we have kept up this tradition. 


this 4th, we had a nice turnout, with a mix of neighbors and our long-time pb friends.
the kids that came ranged in age from 3 to 15, and only one of those had to wear arm floaties
which made it really nice for the adults. the kids and adults played on a crazy slide
that mr. g built with finn when scout and i were away on spring break. {he knew i
would never approve of it}. we are only half joking when we call it the Slip n Die.
if someone did fall from the top of it onto the pavement, they would very likely die
or be disabled for life. it's about 10' high and well, after several weekends of playing,
i've insisted it be put away. it's too much of a liability. we considered having guests
sign waivers to go down it, but really, it's not worth it. i have encouraged him to build
something a bit less steep or even buying a good old diving board for heavens sake. 
sure diving boards come with risk as well, but i'm not that much of a worrier.
{remember i want a trampoline}.

we had a great day swimming, diving, sliding {those who are fearless}, eating and
drinking too much. some photo highlights of the day:





father's day: 2017

father's day was extra special this year as we had grandpa gerber and grandma sheila
visiting from minnesota. it had been a while since they had been and they were kind
enough to fly to the west coast to visit for a long weekend. 


some highlights: dinner at casa guadalajara in old town, lots of pool time, two backyard barbecues
and one that included uncle tommy, a day at the uss midway {just grandparents and grandsons},
and breakfast at tidal restaurant at paradise point hotel right on the bay. it was so wonderful spending time with them and for the boys to get some genuine quality time.  there's nothing more enjoyable
i think for grandparents than getting one-on-one time with their grandchildren.
finn and scout thoroughly enjoyed it.

3 generations of gerbers

in keeping with tradition, the boys responded to questions about their dad.
this year, they preferred to type them instead of writing them, so i've copied and paste and am inserting
{of course i saved a printed copy as well}.
i think i enjoy seeing their responses as much as c does.


scout gerber, age 9:

1.     What is something dad always says to you?  he snuggles and jokes around

2.     What makes dad happy?  chocolate and hanging out with family
3.     What makes dad sad?  when he watches very sad movies – typically ones that have to do with children or being a father

4.     How does your dad make you laugh?  He tickles me and tells jokes

5.     What was your dad like as a child? he was a big reader (he even won an award), he played sports like ice hockey and he was a great student in school

6.     How old is your dad? 46

7.     How tall is your dad?  5-6” – I don’t really know

8.     What is his favorite thing to do? Surf or play tennis

9.     What does your dad do when you’re not around? work

10.   If your dad becomes famous, what will it be for?  for building crazy things like the giant slide he just built

11.  What is your dad really good at?  tennis, surfing and building

12.   What is your dad not very good at? singing (?)

13.   What does your dad do for a job?  he currently works for HP (Hewlett Packard). He is an Architect/Project Manager

14.   What is your dad’s favorite food? Taco Surf – breakfast burrito

15.  What makes your dad proud? when us boys accomplish something or when we are responsible

16.   If your dad were a character who would he be? Mike Brady from The Brady Bunch
17.   What do you and your dad do together?  Swim and build things together

18.    How are you and your dad the same?  we both care about education and fitness

19.   How are you and your dad different?  Dad likes building and designing things and I don’t really

20.  How do you know your dad loves you? he tickles me, snuggles and jokes with me, and comes to all my soccer games.

21.  What does your mom love most about your dad?  When he spends time with her, gives her romantic cards and cuddles with her

22.  What is your dad’s favorite place to go? The beach and Mexico

23.  How old was your Dad when you were born?  37

finn gerber, age 13:

1.     What is something dad always says to you?  i love you
2.   What makes dad happy?  spending time with us,  getting time to do some things he likes to do
3.     What makes dad sad? a stressful day at work (?)

4.     How does your dad make you laugh? comedic shows or something scout and i do that is funny

5.     What was your dad like as a child? he was one of 5 boys and it was probably crazy
6.     How old is your dad? 46

7.     How tall is your dad?  5'7 - i don't know

8.     What is his favorite thing to do? spend time with family

9.     What does your dad do when you’re not around? he plays tennis

10.   If your dad becomes famous, what will it be for?  best do it yourself Architect

11.  What is your dad really good at? building things

12.   What is your dad not very good at? singing

13.   What does your dad do for a job? he manages people and projects

14.   What is your dad’s favorite food? chicken mole

15.  What makes your dad proud? achieving his goals and watching us succeed in ours

16.   If your dad were a character who would he be? i don't know. he is a unique person.
17.   What do you and your dad do together?  build things, we surf and go to lunch together

18.   How are you and your dad the same?  we both like to make crazy contraptions

19.   How are you and your dad different?  dad takes a more deep approach when we design of things.

20.  How do you know your dad loves you? he is affectionate and we spend time together

21.  What does your mom love most about your dad? that he loves us and takes care of us and our home

22.  What is your dad’s favorite place to go? Mexico

23.  How old was your Dad when you were born? 33

spring piano recital: 2017

the school year just ended and there is so much to capture.  
the boys had amazing end of the school year exhibitions,
one in particular that BLEW my mind and reminded me why we 
opted out of traditional public education and chose a project-based
charter school for the boys. the discussions and projects these kids do
is truly amazing. {more to come on the this}


today's post will focus on the boys' recent spring piano recital.
this year was extra special as we had grandma {my mom} in town from florida.
she hadn't been to san diego for a few years due to both construction projects
at our home that made it difficult to host guests, and she has been experiencing
some health problems. fortunately, she felt great leading up and during entire visit with
us which was wonderful for all of us.


this was the third year we hosted the recital at our home. we enjoy hosting as it's easy
and it helps their instructor, as the music studio where they receive lessons is too small.
we rented 25 white foldable chairs and set them up in the living room facing the piano.
the boys' teacher, mr. patrick, arrived 45 minutes earlier to help set up the food and to warm
up some of his vocal students.


finn and scout worked hard memorizing their piece the weeks leading up to the
recital as their teacher prefers they don't rely on their sheet music {although he has it}.
he believe it shows commitment and without sheet music, pianists typically play with
more feeling as they aren't bogged down looking at their sheet music.


so without further adieu, here are the boys performing their pieces.  scout played
thinking of you by june montgomery, and finn's piece was titled stephanie's waltz
by randall hartsell. and as grandma gerber noticed, both boys forgot to wear their shoes - AGAIN!
this was the second year. since we don't wear shoes inside the home, they just forget to put them on.
oh well, they are so cal kids - usually barefoot or in flip flops so maybe it's fitting. *wink*  

mr. patrick and the boys

a special guest was in the audience - grandma













mother's day: 2017

MOM turned upside down is WOW!
- scout gerber, age 9

did you know this?  i didn't, at least not until scout pointed it out to me.
he told me this as he presented me with a homemade card first thing on mother's day. it had MOM written in all caps across the front. he turned it upside down to show me {in case i didn't believe him}.  he was so proud of his card, and i was happy to receive it. it's currently hanging by a magnet in our kitchen, but i've decided to bring to work this week and hang at my desk. i could tell he spent a bit of time with it...he drew flowers of every color across the entire bottom. i thanked him and gave him a big squeeze. it's rare my little draws pictures for me anymore, so i will treasure this as it may be my last. finn and c wandered into the kitchen so they too could present me with their cards and a big spring flower bouquet which also filled me with warm fuzzies and made our entire kitchen smell like spring. finn's was a handwritten card with a very thoughtful message. he said he was going to "love me more in my love language", a term we borrowed from the popular book, the five love languages. we've all taken the quiz and are aware of each other's love language so that we can love each other in ways that are truly meaningful to each other.  {he even had a p.s. that said i'm going to try to love scout more in his love language too}.
finn reminded me not to eat anything because they were taking me to breakfast. typically they bring me breakfast in bed, but this year, i suggested we try a new cafe that just opened up in our neighborhood. finn seemed relieved not to have to cook, but scout seemed a bit disappointed. he LOVES to bring me breakfast in bed on special occasions, namely mother's day and my birthday, so i felt a little guilty for taking this away from him. i mentioned that breakfast in bed could be a surprise any time of the year. *wink* he said he had never thought of that. if i ever get it, i'll try to remember to come back and write about it.  also, along with scout's drawing, the cards and flowers, was a MOM questionnaire from scout.

it's absolutely adorable and though the responses aren't quite as funny as when he was in preschool, they are certainly more thoughtful and a bit more accurate {he still put an extra 5 lbs on me and the brady bunch series is one of his current favorite shows right now}. c and i introduced it to the boys a few weeks ago and he's thoroughly enjoying it. truth be told, we are all enjoying it. it's a fun walk down memory lane for us c and me who grew up watching the show. finn said he's "learning alot about our generation and how we grew up". as i made dinner, i reflected on our day together - the yummy breakfast and our lazy day at the beach watching the boys explore the rocks and catching hermit crabs in the sand. i also thought about being a mom - how so much life has changed since the days pre-kids. i loved those pre-kid days, but am so grateful that i didn't rush into the role of mother shortly after c and i married. we were so young and waiting allowed me {and c} time to grow -  as individuals and together before we took on helping another human grow.  i had no idea being a mom would be both beautiful and terrifying at the same time, but even on the toughest days, i wouldn't trade it for the world.  i don't think many mothers would. i also thought about the relationships i have with all the mothers in my life - how essential they are. i will be forever grateful for all of them - my mother-in-laws who are fierce and fabulous woman. they share, guide, listen, console and celebrate with me. barby or 'GG' has been there from my newlywed days, visited me at the hospital when finn was born and is still there now as i mother a teenage son. for sheila who keeps the gerber family connected so well and who shares so much about her journey as a mother. last, i am grateful for my own mother who is a beacon in my life - always there, shining brightly and guiding me. she spent years of her life teaching and providing her children with a compass so we can navigate through life more easily.  maybe even more importantly, she laid out a roadmap for us to follow by how she has lived her life with my father.



happy mother's day to all mother's everywhere!


xo

wardrobe war

i prefer wearing collared shirts to school. they are more professional.
- finn oliver gerber, age 13


i am slightly embarrassed to be posting about this, but i told my sister jen recently that though i typically focus and record the all the good things in my life, i don't want her, or anyone to believe, things are perfect. they aren't and i learned long ago, perfection doesn't exist. life is messy and i'll make a point to record some of my messy life too.

like all parents, there are days i worry about a parenting decision that i made, worry that i wasn't as 'present' as i could be for my children, or that i haven't shown enough gratitude for all that my husband does,. some days are full of angst - frantic rushes out the door, tearing through the house in search of shin guards for soccer, signing permission slips, forgotten lunchboxes, arguments and sometimes even tears.

though the 'wardrobe war' didn't roll over to a messy day, it was a messy morning. it revolved around finn's wardrobe choice. you may be chuckling because that's usually something parents of daughters deal with more. my mama friends who have little or big girls have shared countless stories about wardrobe wars beginning as early as preschool and kindergarten. i should preface my story by sharing that up until about a year ago, the boys would wear whatever i suggested. scout will still change out of a soccer jersey when asked because he knows i prefer he wear a collared shirt from time to time. left to his own devices, he will wear a soccer jersey every day of his life.  finn on the otherhand is 13, and this is the age when kid don't take suggestions as easily from their parents...desperately wanting more independence.

so here's what happened.

c had to be at a jobsite early one morning, and asked me to take the boys to school. i was happy to, as i normally don't drive the boys and any extra time i can get with them is a treat. this particular morning, finn had on his 'usual' outfit, a collared shirt {cotton jersey polo} and plain front khaki shorts. he looked nice as he typically does AND his colors were coordinated...something he doesn't always think about. so why the fuss? well, finn literally wears a combination of this outfit day in and day out! he told me he wished he had a uniform because he wouldn't even have to pick out clothes. i had recently purchased 2 new surf brand tees and asked him kindly if he would wear one of those. i even pulled the tee out of the closet and showed him how well it matched the shorts he was wearing.  he responded "i can wear what i want to wear mom. i'm not a little kid who can be dressed". *sigh*


i explained that i was very aware he isn't a little kid, but would really be appreciative if he wore some of his new clothes that i spent money on, washed and hung in his closet. he was adamant that he was wearing the shirt he had on. scout chimed in "finn, why are you being such a bad teenager". *another sigh*  finn got snippy back, and a perfectly good morning went south fast.

on the way to school, i tried to understand finn's thought process, because he is logical about the decisions he makes. i asked him why it was so important for him to wear a collared shirt to school every day. i reminded him that when he is an adult, he will likely have to wear one to work every day, so while he is young, he might want to take advantage of dressing casual. he replied "i prefer collared shirts because they are more professional mom".  i realize c and i might have the only 13 year old on the west coast, possibly in the whole of the U.S. who wants to wear a collared shirt to school every day.
later i texted my mom to share the story...after having raised 7 children, i knew she would find humor in it as she's seen it all. she reminded me that these little battles are the easy stuff...that there will be a day when i will need to take a strong stand on things that really matter, that have real impact and consequences - drinking, drugs, smoking, sex, body art/piercings, peer pressure, etc. this morning's shirt decision is really a non-issue and if anything, it should give me something to smile about and to record. someday, i'll share this story with finn's future wife who will smile and say "that's one of the many reasons i fell in love with him".

~ two days later, i came home from work to find finn having a snack at the kitchen counter.  he was wearing a nasa tee shirt that he had gotten in his easter basket. i asked if he wore it to school that day and he said oh yes. i responded "but that's a tee shirt, just like the quicksilver tee". his reply "but it's a NASA tee shirt mom. they are a professional government agency". of course!

questions of life....

scoutie came into the kitchen one evening a few months ago.
i was loading the dishwasher and tidying up after dinner. he said "mom" and i responded
with my standard"yes". i didn't look up as i was waiting for a simple question to follow like,
can i have a piece of my halloween or easter candy. instead, he responded with "nevermind".
as i looked up at him, i could see he was distressed. i asked him what was wrong and if he
wanted to talk about it. he scanned the room anxiously to see if anyone else was around and
tears began forming in his eyes.


i put down my dishtowel, and recognizing that he needed some privacy,
i took him into the garage and set him up on the dryer so we were eye level.
i gave him a big hug and asked him to share what was bothering him. 


i was expecting him to tell me that finn did something to him, or that he had a tough day
at school or that he missed his bestie. i was NOT prepared for what he said.


he asked me if i believed in heaven and if people didn't believe in heaven, then where would
they go and what is the purpose of all this. {meaning life}.


Whew - this was heavy stuff.


i told him that this is a question people have been asking since the beginning of time. 
i thought if only i was still practicing the mormon faith, i'd have answers to everything
or at least have faith that there are answers to all the questions of life.
but the truth is, i'm not practicing the religion and i don't believe we have answers to all these
questions. i don't think anyone does. i gently told scout that i really don't know
if there is a heaven, BUT that i love the idea of heaven. it's certainly a beautiful and comforting
place to believe in and i told him i choose to believe a place that we will all be together somewhere
after we die and he nodded and gave me a HUGE hug.


he told me that finn doesn't believe in heaven, and i responded that it was
perfectly ok. there are about 7 billion people on this planet and many of us have very different
beliefs...and have the right to believe those things because religion is personal. 
he then reminded me that we don't really know what happens after we die, we just hope
there's a heaven. i told him that's what faith is all about...trusting in what we can't see or
understand. he seemed satisfied with this. i didn't need to complicate things and go into detail
about various religions and their heavens. he didn't need all that.
i think he was just thinking about death - whether his own, mine or others and needed
to talk about it and to be comforted.


i never did learn what brought this topic on for scout. i never asked and he never said.
as i shared all this with c before bed the same night, i told him i didn't have the
answers to the questions of life, but i was glad i was able to comfort my 9 year old boy...
at least for an evening.

family vacation: tulum

i had to post this video because it makes me smile.
scout was so happy to find a playground tucked away in the
corner of la zebra hotel.

and one of scout ziplining across a cenote: