finn is fifteen

We’re all made of star stuff.

~ Carl Sagan

I found this quote years ago when I was looking into more about Carl Sagan and it intrigued me and seemed appropriate for Finn’s 15^th birthday. He has always been a star that shines bright, and his fascination with our universe just makes it even more appropriate.

I didn’t and still really don’t understand the science behind this quote, but I did learn this is something Sagan said in one of his Cosmos episodes. I did some investigating and here’s what I learned. Sagan’s statement sums up the fact that the carbon, nitrogen and oxygen atoms in our bodies as well as atoms of all other heavy elements, were created in previous generations of stars over 4.5 billion years ago. Because humans and every other animal, as well as most of the matter on Earth contain these elements, we are literally made of star stuff.  Finn probably could have explained this to me, but these days he isn’t home much and when he is, he doesn’t talk much. He is a typical teenage boy, and if you’ve had or have one, you know all about this.

Finn,

In keeping with my tradition, today I am recording 15 things I want to remember about you at this time in your life. I know some of these are from my perspective, and may not be completely accurate or agreed on by you, but this is how your mother sees you at 15.

1. You started high school this year!

Yep, it’s CRAZY to think of, but it’s true! You are in the 9^th grade and officially in high school.  You have been waiting for this for so very long Finn. Instead of staying at the HTH Point Campus you’ve been at since you were in Kindergarten, you decided to move to a new Campus closer to home, though still not within walking distance unfortunately. Your school, High Tech High (HTH), purchased a large Christian private school and are in the middle of renovating it and creating a new K-12 Campus. It’s exciting and though most of the Campus is still under construction, a few buildings were completed this past Summer and HTH accepted 120 incoming 9^th graders. Most of the students are brand new to the school and had to go through the lottery system to get accepted, but you were part of a few from the Point Loma Campus who asked to transfer Campuses.  You were accepted and will be the FIRST graduating class at High Tech High Mesa. Pretty cool!  This was completely your decision, and we questioned if you’d be ok at a school with no upper classman your entire 4 years, but you were ok with this. We know one of the reasons you chose this Campus is the school's Robotics Team, the Holy Cows, would be meeting here since this new school has more square footage and the space to house the Team and all it's equipment.  

2. You joined your high school's robotics team.

This might be the very best part of joining school exiting than starting High School. You would have joined The Holy Cows when you were in elementary school if they’d have allowed it. You’ve been attending robotics competitions and cheering on HTH’s Holy Cows team since you were in Kindergarten. You’ve always loved to build and have been fasinated with all things electronic, so your dad made sure to keep you inspired and taking you to robotics competitions was one of MANY ways he did it. I used to go to some of the competitions, but I don’t love robotics enough to watch other children compete.  When YOU compete of course, I will be there in the stands cheeering you.

The Holy Cows have become a huge part of your life Finn. You are in the middle of ‘Build Season right now which means for 6 weeks, you are basically living at the school or the machine shop when you aren’t in school.  You spend 8 hours a day every weekend at school and are there after school until 8pm every night. You officially have Fridays off.  You squeeze in any homework you have during your lunch hour and in the evenings after you come home.  Your dedication is amazing and inspiring. More than anything, your dad and I want our children to find something that makes you happy and you’ve found it Finn.  You also found your people.

A few months ago when we were alone in the car, you said “I finally met people that are like me”.  You were so happy and I was too. I remember you in tears when you were in 3^rd grade telling me that no one likes the things you like. That no one was like you”.  My heart broke for you.  You were different….and we hadn’t come across any children your age who shared your passion or interests and your knowledge of those things. It’s rare and we assured you high school and college is where you would find your tribe...your people. You have, and life is wonderful for you.

3. You got a dog this year.
We are now a proud family of Bonita, an adorable salt and pepper Miniature Schnauzer! For years we had been talking about getting a dog, and with your dad working from home, and you and Scout able ot take on some of the care of a dog, it seemed like a great time to add a furry baby to our lives. You were busy on the Saturday morning when we went to look for a rescue dog, but Scout was free and wouldn’t have missed the opportunity for the world. We were specifically looking for a female dog, since I was so outnumbered at home with males, and Scout picked out a sweet girl named Bonita, who was shaking and hiding in a corner when he discovered her.  I was hesitant at first about her. We are an active family, with friends coming in and out of our home, and I worried this dog might not adjust to our lifestyyle. We did the 'foster to adopt' program so if she didn't work out, we had 4 weeks to return her. Within a few weeks, she started to adjust. You love her as much as all of us, but you aren’t home a lot these days, so she misses you and greets you at the door with a small howl which his her way to say 'hello, i'm so glad you are home'.  Summer is when she gets lots of time with you and your brother and well, I don't know what more to say other than she has brought so much JOY into our family. We all speak to her in high voices and we all shower her with love.  It's like having a baby in our home. You even tolerate it when I dressed her up for Halloween.

4. You keep outgrowing your clothes.

Last year, you were the same height as me on your birthday – 5’-3". This year, I have to look UP to look into your eyes which means you are now a few inches taller than me now. You told me you are no longer the smallest boy in your grade which you are quite happy about. I knew you wouldn't be. You aren't tall, but I knew you wouldn't be 5' as an adult male. You didn’t have as big of a growth as you did your previous year, but you are growing and will continue to grow for quite some time. All of your size 12 jeans are too short and you've outgrown all your size 12 shirts as well.  This is PROOF you are still growing Finn Oliver.  You now are a solid size 14 in everything I buy.

5. You are always hungry.  
You are a growing teenage boy and this means you are hungry often.  Mothers of teenagers warned me of this and when you were picky and barely touched your food, it was hard to imagine. Now I chuckle to myself when I think of how much time I spent trying to coerce you to eat when you were little. You were a picky eater, and you’ve always been thin..neven as a baby you didn't have a roll of fat.  The doctors worried for a brief period as you fell off the charge, but that was a super brief time when you were transitioning from breast milk to formula. All that worrying was for nothing as you are healthy and you are no longer particular. You eat most anything now which is wonderful.

6. Sushi is still your favorite
On Friday evenings, when we are all exhausted after a week of school, work and activities, our family typically gets 'take out'. You almost always want sushi, and if it was just you and me, we’d eat it every Friday night, but it’s not just you and me most Friday nights.  We have two other family members who love Mexican food, so we take turns. Sometimes we will even get Chinese food, because we all agree on this. Since you’ve been basically living at your high school over the past 6 weeks for robotics, your dad often surprises you with sushi when there isn’t dinner being provided to you kids. He is a regular at a two sushi places and I think they know him by name. When he brings sushi to you at school or has it waiting for you when he picks you up, the smile on your face says it all.

7. The ocean is one of your happy places.
You aren't on the high school Surf Team this year. You considered it, but knew there would be a conflict once robotics started up. Your father and I encouraged you to join the Team, despite not being able to attend all the practices once robotics started, but you didn't want to do this. You like to be committed and I understand this. Still, you surf with your dad pretty regularly in the Fall, Spring and Summer months. In the Winter, Southern Calfornia's water temperature is cold, and though you have a full wetsuit (our entire family does), surfing in Winter is more sporadic. Like most sane people, you enjoy warmer water and your favorite is taking vacations down south where the water is always warm. You told me once that some of your very best memories are of our Mexico vacations where you surf every day - usually multiple times. You especially loved the vacation where you volunteered with turtles every morning and surfed all afternoon with your buddy Luca and your dad. I'm so grateful you had that opportunity. Those are the kinds of memories that stay with you a lifetime.  I'd love for the family to do some type of volunteer vacation together. Your dad and I have discussed it a bit and he is all for it. We just need to find the right organization, and one that will allow kids under 16 to participate. Many organizations have a minimum age. We'll keep looking...

8. You still have zero interest in social media
Some of your friends have Instagram accounts, and I follow some of them, as well as your robotics team, because it gives me a little extra insight to your friends and teenagers in general, but you have absolutely no interest in it.  You think it’s a waste of time. It is in big scheme of things. I think even us adults know this. It's a little diversion and can be fun, but it should never take the place of real connection. You prefer to spend your free time hanging out with friends and if you can't do that, you text them. As a listen to my mom friends with girls talk about the agony that social media has caused with their daughters, I feel pretty lucky that I don't have any of that to deal with. I'm sure there is occasional drama with boys on social media, but I don't hear about it.  

9. You are a great student
School has always come easy for you, and your dad and I have never had to ask you to do your homework….EVER!  Some people hardly believe this, but we never have. You and Scout are self motivated when it comes to your education. You want to do well and you understand the value in doing your homework and making good grades. This year, your Freshman year of high school, you told me you are actually challenged. Your dad and I LOVE hearing this because we want you to be challenged. You are taking all Honors courses and you are making straight As. You were disappointed that you didn’t make an A+ in Physics this past semester. I tried to be sympathetic, but for someone who struggled with math, it’s hard for me to relate. You know that college is highly competitive and you want the highest GPA you can possibly get, so that your high school transcripts show well. Oh Finn, you sure put a lot on your own shoulders, and I hope you know we notice how hard you work. We admire your hard work and are proud of you.

10. You are a young man of few words
I came across a birthday card that said this and I presented it to you on the morning of your birthday. The inside of the card read ‘from a woman of many words’.  You laughed out loud and said “this is the PERFECT card mom”.  It sure was!  I’m a talker and you aren’t…at least not since you’ve become a teenager.  When you were younger, you talked almost incessently....sharing everything that was on your mind. Since you’ve reached adolescence, you don’t say as much which according to almost of my momma friends with older boys, and the books on parenting that I've read, this is normal and more common. My momma friends who have daughters tell me they wish they could trade with me. Apparently, their daughters talk all the time….incessantly, so much that it drives them crazy sometimes. It’s hard to even imagine. I would love more words from you Finn....Dad too. The silver lining is, though you are a man of few words, I’ve noticed you are listening to us...most of the time. Your dad and I learned this because you’ll comment or bring up something you heard us discussing and we thought you had tuned us out. This is always a welcome surprise as we love hearing you share your thoughts.You are a thinker and are wise beyond your years.  You add so much to conversations. When we have adults friends over for dinner or even for a pool party, you elevate any conversation with your perspective when you join in. Adults appreciate this Finn, and from years back, commented that you don't belong at the kid table.   

11.   Your love of reading continues.  
Science fiction is still your favorite genre and you seem to always be waiting for another book to be published in series that you are reading. The Red Rising Series has a new book coming on in the Summer and you can hardly wait.  Currently, you are reading the classic book, Dune by Frank Herbert and loving it.  Fortunately, you attend a school that is liberal and places a large emphasis on social justice, so you’ve had to venture out of your typical genre and read books that you probably wouldn’t have picked up on your own. I love this because it help you be more  well-rounded (a world I use all the time at home). Some recent books you’ve read are Giovanni’s Place by James Baldwin and Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson.  You recommended both to me, and I read. Like you, I found Giovanni's Place depressing and personally, I felt it a bit too mature for 14 year olds, but I loved Just Mercy and believe it might be the most important book that either of us read this year. My boss borrowed my copy and had the same sentiments. We both thank you for introducing to us. 

12. You quit piano lessons

As disheartened as I was about your decision, I agreed to let you give up piano lessons. It was reallly difficult for me to agree to this. I had lots of discussions about it with you, your father, respected colleagues, girlfriends, my mother and my mother-in-law. Music is a huge part of my life, and has so many benefits. I was afraid that letting you quit would prevent you from enjoying all those things music brings to me and I enjoy so much as an adult. I enjoy playing the piano for so many reasons...being able to make music to sing along to, for others to enjoy, the challenge of new songs, how it relaxes me, and how it simply brings me joy! I want you to enjoy ALL these benefits too, and possibly more.  You played for 8 years Finn, and rarely complained about it. You didn't love playing, I could see that, but you didn't hate it either. You enjoyed the challenge of learning a new piece and said as much, but playing didn't excite or move you in the way it does for me, or in a way that science and other things move you.


When your piano teacher of 4 years, Mr. Patrick, announced he was no longer able to teach as he was moving on to play for a musical theater group full time here in town, you declared it was the perfect time to quit because you were starting high school and would be too busy. You were joining robotics and you wouldn't have much free time. I knew your schedule would be busier than ever and in the end, I agreed. I believe forcing anyone to do something they really don't want to do, can sour the experience, and you did give music lots of years which I think (and hope) will allow you to still be able to pick up sheet music years from now and play at least at a basic/beginner level. From time to time, I notice you will sit down at the piano and play. You typically are wearing headphones and aren't reading sheet music, so i have no idea what you are playing, but it makes me smile seeing you at the piano. Our hope is that you continue to sit down from time to time throughout high school so you don't completely lose all that you've learned. 

13. You listen to music a lot now 

A year ago, when your dad and I would share a song with you that I thought you might like, you would tell us you "weren’t really interested in music".  I'd GASP and say I don’t believe it. Your dad would just grin. We are big music lovers, and as someone who plays the piano and who paid for  years of piano lessons for you, I couldn’t accept it. A part of me knew you were being purposefully obstinate, and your dad said it would just be a matter of time...that you would find music that you enjoy and that moves you. You finally have. You don’t share your music with us much, but that's part of being a teenager I've learned. As you separate from your parents, you aren't supposed to share everything...some things are meant to be yours alone and for now, your music is one of these. Still, it makes us smile knowing you now enjoy music of your own. You put on your headphones alot and listen to music and you clean the pool or do your chores. It makes us smile.

14.  If you have or have ever had a crush on someone, you’ve been quiet about it.

Again, you are a man of few words, and this is one subject you’ve been very quiet about.  I’m certainly in no rush for you to fall for someone or for you to get your heart broken. Both happen to all of us at some point in our lives, and I have a feeling that when a young woman breaks your heart, I’ll secretly feel a little /Mean Girl-ish' about it. Last year, you said you weren't going to get serious about any girl during high school and frankly, your dad and I hope you don't. We prefer you to focus on your education and making good friends than falling in love. There's lots of time for that.

15. You’ll be getting your driving 'Learner's Permit’ in 6 months.
YEP!!  It both excites and terrifies me.  It will be wonderful to have an additional driver in the family, as your dad and I literally feel like taxi drivers shuttling you to and from school and robotics. I think I've put a thousand miles on my car in just the past 6 months. It sure would take alot off us, when you start driving, but with driving comes a whole new set of concerns and worries for your dad and me. San Diego is a big city with lots of freeways and traffic and we like to drive fast. It's not like living in the country or even in a small city. It's not even like living in Orlando where I grew up. Your dad and I will make sure you take your time getting you used to driving in San Diego...first to and from school and then eventually get you on the freeway. Though I haven't checked into it (I'm sure you have), I think you can get your Driver's Permit at age 15 1/2 and then your regular license at 16 1/2?  I believe CA's rules are a bit more stringent than most of the country when it comes to driving and I'm perfectly ok with this. Maybe by mid-way through your Sophomore year, you'll be driving yourself to school. 

15. Last, you are loved SO much! 
From the day you arrived on this earth, you’ve blessed it and our family. Your dad and I couldn’t be more proud of you Finn Oliver Gerber. You are a fabulous big brother to Scout. I know he annoys you sometimes and you sometimes wish you had your own room, but you understand that’s part of being an older sibling. As for parenting you, your dad and I have said it a thousand times…you’ve made parenting pretty‘easy’, and though we want to believe we have a little something to do with the this, we know that you are an exceptional person. You think deeply about what you say and do and the decisions you make come stem from this. You are deliberate and this is a beautiful thing. Your dad and I are grateful that we get to be your parents and have delighted in watching you learn and grow. We are so proud of the young man you are Finn, and man you are becoming. Continue to reach for the stars, work hard, and be a kind human. Great things will come from it.

All my love,
Mom

~ I almost forgot your stats. Those are important.  You are 64” (5’- 4”), 95 lbs. and you wear size 14 in jeans and shirts. You wear a size 7 shoe.

             

a note from Finn's 8th grade teacher

before i put the hard copy of this in the keepsake bin i created for finn,
i scanned and wanted to share here as well. a personal note was given to
each student from their main teacher's and this is te note finn received.
as christopher and i read it and smiled. this is one of the benefits the
boys get by attending high tech high. their school only allows 120 students
per grade and these students are known on a very personal level by their teachers.

my favorite fourteen year old

somewhere something incredible is waiting to be known.
~ carl sagan

So many incredible things are yet to be known, but one thing is known - 14 years ago, one INCREDIBLE thing happened, and that was the birth of you, Finn Oliver Gerber! That little bald baby boy, now you, has brought so much love, joy and life to our family. 

This year has been full of change, discovery and growth. Your dad and me watch in awe as you grow and sometimes with tears as we realize how little time we have left with you before you head out into the world. I try not to think about it too much, but the years go by way too fast. Continuing my tradition, here are 14 things that I want to remember about you at this very time in your life: 

1.  You have grown A LOT this past year.  

I am literally looking into your eyes when we stand face to face.  You are just a 2" shorter than me and we have the same size feet! We still have the surfboard grow chart hanging on your wall that we've had since you were a year old to track you and your brother’s height and when your father marked your height, we saw that you have grown almost 5” – CRAZY!! You are very happy about this as you tell us you are the smallest kid in your grade, and have been for the last 2 years.  I shared that your Uncle Todd was very small until age 15/16. You will grow too Finn. You won’t be tall, but you won’t be 5’ forever either.  i promise.

2.  You eat like a truck driver.

What I mean by this is you eat A LOT these days and you eat fast. I finally understand that reference “my kid is eating me out of house and home”. Our grocery bill is bigger and my trips to the grocery store are more frequent.  We try to eat dinner as a family every chance we get and if you have your way, you’ll clear your plate in 5 minutes and be gone. I remind you to ‘taste your food’ and to enjoy meal time. It’s one of the few times the whole family is together during the day, so please sit with us longer Finn. We absolutely love your company. 

One of my favorite things about this stage of your life is that you eat just about anything now which makes meal time so much more exciting. I can experiment with recipes and you will eat them {even if they aren't great}. You are also up for eating an any restaurant and trying new foods which makes life so much more enjoyable...especially because San Diego has so many restaurants to chose. Our neighborhood alone has probably over 2 dozen. Given a choice between any type of food, you still prefer sushi, but you also love Italian, Chinese and Mexican. 

3.  The ocean is one of your happy places.

You gladly get up at the crack of dawn every Sunday morning to surf with your middle school surf team.  You set out your wetsuit, surfboard, wax, towel and snacks the night before so you can just jump in the car with your dad and head to the beach. On occasion, I tag along and watch you for a bit, say hi to the kids and their parents, and then I go for a run. It's a true surfer who can get up at the crack of dawn and paddle out into the pacific ocean in the winter months.

You don’t care about competing in surf contests, and you don’t go to socialize like a few of the kids on the team. You go because you love the ocean – its beauty, its power, the workout, and the dopamine that is released when you ride a wave. It just feels good!  I’m guessing you enjoy the trip to Taco Surf with dad after every surf practice. It’s a ritual for you two.

 4.  You’ve discovered Carl Sagan. 

One of your 8^th grade projects this year was titled ‘Monumental Figures’. Students were asked to select a person from the United States who doesn’t currently have a monument created for them, and explain why they were deserving of one.  You chose Carl Sagan, a name I recognized from my childhood. He was the host of the original Cosmos TV series, which is now hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson. You loved this project Finn, and spent hours researching him. When you presented your project to us, and all the 8^th grade parents, your enthusiasm and your research on him spilled over to me. Over the next few weeks, I pulled up a few of the original Cosmos shows and Sagan interviews on youtube and watched because of  you. He is a fasinating man. You continue to learn about Sagan and his theories. You are currently reading his booked titled, A Pale Blue Dot that Grandma Gerber (GG) sent you for Christmas. You told me you are “taking your time with it” because it’s full of so much information. Oh Finn, your dad and I never tire of watching you get excited about something.

5. You have no interest in social media, but you do enjoy video games

Moms of daughters often have struggles around social media, but this is one area parents of boys typically don’t struggle.  There are exceptions to the rule of course, but we don’t anticipate you opening a Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Snapchat account anytime soon Finn. For now you prefer to text and Skype with your friends.

Like most boys your age, you enjoy gaming and want to play longer than we prefer you to play. You have designated ‘educational’ and ‘recreational’ computer time and you’d love more recreational time.  You tell us we are stricter than most of your friend’s parents, but in the same breath, you have said it’s a good thing. Oh Finn, we are doing our best. We have rules because we care and want you to use time wisely. We don’t mind you playing videos games, we just want you to have balance – face to face time with friends and lots of outdoor play. Since we don’t have any gaming consoles or portable gaming devices, this has helped tremendously. when you play games, they on your computer desktop and it's easy for us to monitor and less tempting for you.. Kerbal Space Program (KSP) is still your favorite game, with Portal 2 as the runner up.  

6.  You are a fan of Stranger Things

The day came your dad and I FINALLY let you watch this series.  Your friends started watching last year, but your dad and I thought it was a bit dark. Childhood is such a short window. We wanted to extend yours a bit longer.  It’s tricky being a parent….some decisiuons we make seem instinctual and we just know and feel good about, and other things we aren’t sure at all about. It's a learning process and a constant reassessing. You never pushed us or got upset when we told you that you would have to wait to see it. That's not your style. You simply said “let me know when that time comes”.    

When you turned 14, it seemed the right time. You just finished Season One and you thoroughly enjoyed it. The boys in the show are your age and there’s just enough sci-fi and creepiness to excite you. About halfway through the season, you said “I know why you and dad like this show so much mom, it’s totally your generation”.  Yes Finn Oliver, it is.  It’s like travelling back in time for us parents who were kids/teenagers in the 80s – the music, the clothes, the walkie talkies, and even the banana seat bikes.  When you commented that is would have been cool to grow up in the 80s because life was simpler, I smiled and told you it was a great time to be a kid. Now you know why your dad and I ask you and Scout to leave your phones and go play outside {unsupervised}. We want you to experience some of the freedom and the kind of playing that we had as kids.

7. Your current favorite movie is Dunkirk.
I took you to see Dunkirk one weekend - it was just the two of us. You were mesmerized by this powerful film, which felt more like an art film to me than a traditional action/war film. The dialogue was sparse, and there was no over the top gore which was refreshing. On our drive home, you talked about how you liked that the Director focused on three different groups of people over three different time frames, the Royal Air Force (RAF) pilots, the crew of a small civilian yacht and a group of young British soldiers trapped on the beach, and how they line up to make a really great climax at the end. As you shared your thoughtful critique, I smiled inside and thought “this is one of the joys of having a teenager”.  They have more experience and now can share great perspective. The conversation we had Finn added so much more to my experience of the film. Thank you for this. 

8. You continue to be an avid reader.  

Non-fiction and science fiction are still your favorite genres. You typically have two books going on at the same time – one at home and one that goes with you to school and in the car. Tonight, when I came into your room to kiss you goodnight, you were engrossed in your new book, A Pale BlueDot, and you have Artemis, the newest book by Andy Weir, the author of The Martian, on  your bookshelf to read next.   

Last month, you finished reading All the Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Doerr.  I don’t recommend many books to you Finn, but I recommended this Pulitzer Prize winner that I read years ago. I was just waiting for you to be old enough to read it and your got there. You remind me so much of the German boy, Werner, in the story. He too loved engineering. We talked about the book over sushi last month, and it was one of our best dinners together. At the end of the night, I asked if you had a book to recommend to me, and you suggested Red Rising by Pierce Brown. I started it last week. It’s a dystopian sci-fi novel that reminds me a little bit of Hunger Games. I’m just a few chapters in, but I’m enjoying it. 

9.   You are ready for high school 

Your mother may not be ready for you to be in high school, but you certainly are. You are ready for greater independence that comes with it, more advanced and in-depth classes, a wider variety of students and abilities, and after-school clubs for things you are passionate about.  You have been dreaming of joining the robotics team for years and your time is almost here. You’ve been watching high school robotics teams compete since you were a Kindergartener, and soon you will be ON one of robotics team. You better believe your family will be there to cheer you on, and maybe even embarrass you a little bit. {you know your dad}

10. Girls 

The opposite sex is not a distraction in your life at this point and for this we are so grateful. Your dad and I aren’t encouraging it as there is plenty of time for that down the road.  Middle and high school are about learning who you are, preparing for higher education/your career, and making lifetime friends. Those typically are friends of the same sex, and this is how it should be. A few of your friends have ‘crushes’, but I think texting each other is the extent of middle school relationships. I realize this will change for a lot of kids in high school, but your dad and I don’t think this will be where you put your time. You’ve got your sights on more important things right now – joining the high school robotics team and then college. You are one determined and focused kid Finn, and this will serve you well. When the time does come for you to date, the girl who does get your focus will be very lucky.

11. You are a huge help around the house. 

Your dad and I appreciate it so much. Over the last two years, and more so this year, you have stepped up in a big way with everything - from cleaning the pool cover, taking groceries from the car and putting them away, unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, dusting, a little cooking, and even packing your lunch {ok this one I asked you to}, but you are learning to recognize what needs to be done around the house and pitching in. Thank you for this!

12. Your passion is contagious

Listening to you speak about something you are passionate about fascinates me often more than the subject you are speaking of.  I don’t have the passion or the attention span to study the mysteries of space or to understand the engineering of SpaceX’s Falcon rocket.  You however, do Finn. From your early years, how things work and the world and it's mysteries are things that have interested you and excited you. People are drawn to passion, and for parents, there’s little more exciting than seeing your child passionate about learning and discovering. Your passion encourages the rest of us to keep pushing for things that move us.

Last week at your Student Led Conference (SLC), you presented your work to your dad and me and as you spoke, you looked directly into our eyes, exuding total confidence. You owned your SLC Finn - sharing what you have learned in your math and science class, sharing your neatly organized work and discussing your goals for the remaining school year. I sat listening to you and thought WOW – you couldn't have been more prepared and you make public speaking look so easy. You received perfect scores in all your classes – straight 100s, and had a few scores over 100 because you did extra credit. School comes easy for you Finn, and because of this, our biggest fear when it comes to your education, is that you will lose interest.  We want you to stay excited about learning and work with your teachers to help make this happen. Remember, you too play a role.

13.  You have enormous amounts of patience.  

Having a teenager is still pretty new for our family. We are all trying to figure out how things are supposed to work. While you are changing and trying to figure out this teenage thing, remember that we are too. I sometimes forget your age, and talk to you like you are a little kid. I know this is frustrating and that you prefer to be treated like an adult.  Since you aren't one quite yet, I’m trying to find that middle place - allowing you greater freedom, but still guiding you along too. More than anything, I want you to feel respected and loved and to know that we trust you.  Until you break is, we will you give you the benefit of the doubt. Be patient with me if I remind you to grab your permission slip, to do your homework, or practice piano.  I think giving ‘reminders’ is in a mom’s DNA.  Also, thank you for your continued patience with Scout. He loves and looks up to you SO much, so be gracious with him Finn. Always remember how important it is to have a sibling. They know you better than anyone, have your best interest in mind, support your dreams, and they make great travel companions. {just think how boring it would be without him along on our family vacations}. *wink*

14.  You are kind
You greet your mama at the door every night when I come home from work and you give me a hug and kiss. You do this more for me I'm sure than for you, and I am grateful for it. Though you don't feel like your mom's little boy, my arms still want to pick you up. Actually, I try sometimes, and you just laugh because I don't have enough leverage anymore. You are too tall {and I'm too short}. You show kindess to your father when you help him with projects that you really aren't interested in, but you know he is excited about. You are kind to our sweet elderly next door neighbors who wants to chat with you from time to time because...even when I'm sure you would rather be doing something else. Last, I see your kindness when you help Scout put broken Lego sets back together or when he gets stuck on complicated math problems. These are things you do regularly Finn, and it warms my heart because acts of kindness are never wasted.    

Happy 14^th Birthday Finn! You shine bright and are loved more than ALL the stars in the galaxy! 

Always and Forever.

Mom

You are 5’-1’ and weigh 86 lbs. You are a size 12 in shirts and jeans and you wear a size 6 shoe.

finn oliver at 13

one night last week, after the boys were in bed, i sat alone at the kitchen table reviewing some of finn's projects that he brought home from school. i came across a piece of paper that had his name written in the center of it, and from it, lines branched out to circles with a dozen or more words that all described what he loves. i forgot to ask him what this was all about. was it for his teachers, peers, a self reflection exercise?


as i read all the circles, i smiled and thought, most of these words are exactly what i would have written to describe finn's passions. this was comforting to me because as moms of teens know, we start to get pushed away as our kids strive for more independence. because of this, we sometimes question how well we still know our teen.
that little boy that followed me around the house talking incessantly about space and submarines is gone. he no longer shares every thought he has with me. he needs more time with own thoughts as he processes them and transitions from boy to young man.
this piece of paper reminded me i still know my 13 year old well. the best part is the realization that i know hundreds more things that he would never share on this piece of paper....all those things that make up his heart. i know what makes him laugh, the things that inspire him, his fears and what makes him feel safe and loved.


this is the beauty of being a parent. anyone who spends a day or week with finn will clearly learn what some of his passions are, but as his parent, i get privy to so much more. for this, i feel pretty fortunate. {i think the word 'space' appears at least 5x on this paper} 

finn oliver gerber, 8th grade, age 13

spring piano recital: 2017

the school year just ended and there is so much to capture.  
the boys had amazing end of the school year exhibitions,
one in particular that BLEW my mind and reminded me why we 
opted out of traditional public education and chose a project-based
charter school for the boys. the discussions and projects these kids do
is truly amazing. {more to come on the this}


today's post will focus on the boys' recent spring piano recital.
this year was extra special as we had grandma {my mom} in town from florida.
she hadn't been to san diego for a few years due to both construction projects
at our home that made it difficult to host guests, and she has been experiencing
some health problems. fortunately, she felt great leading up and during entire visit with
us which was wonderful for all of us.


this was the third year we hosted the recital at our home. we enjoy hosting as it's easy
and it helps their instructor, as the music studio where they receive lessons is too small.
we rented 25 white foldable chairs and set them up in the living room facing the piano.
the boys' teacher, mr. patrick, arrived 45 minutes earlier to help set up the food and to warm
up some of his vocal students.


finn and scout worked hard memorizing their piece the weeks leading up to the
recital as their teacher prefers they don't rely on their sheet music {although he has it}.
he believe it shows commitment and without sheet music, pianists typically play with
more feeling as they aren't bogged down looking at their sheet music.


so without further adieu, here are the boys performing their pieces.  scout played
thinking of you by june montgomery, and finn's piece was titled stephanie's waltz
by randall hartsell. and as grandma gerber noticed, both boys forgot to wear their shoes - AGAIN!
this was the second year. since we don't wear shoes inside the home, they just forget to put them on.
oh well, they are so cal kids - usually barefoot or in flip flops so maybe it's fitting. *wink*  

mr. patrick and the boys

a special guest was in the audience - grandma













wardrobe war

i prefer wearing collared shirts to school. they are more professional.
- finn oliver gerber, age 13


i am slightly embarrassed to be posting about this, but i told my sister jen recently that though i typically focus and record the all the good things in my life, i don't want her, or anyone to believe, things are perfect. they aren't and i learned long ago, perfection doesn't exist. life is messy and i'll make a point to record some of my messy life too.

like all parents, there are days i worry about a parenting decision that i made, worry that i wasn't as 'present' as i could be for my children, or that i haven't shown enough gratitude for all that my husband does,. some days are full of angst - frantic rushes out the door, tearing through the house in search of shin guards for soccer, signing permission slips, forgotten lunchboxes, arguments and sometimes even tears.

though the 'wardrobe war' didn't roll over to a messy day, it was a messy morning. it revolved around finn's wardrobe choice. you may be chuckling because that's usually something parents of daughters deal with more. my mama friends who have little or big girls have shared countless stories about wardrobe wars beginning as early as preschool and kindergarten. i should preface my story by sharing that up until about a year ago, the boys would wear whatever i suggested. scout will still change out of a soccer jersey when asked because he knows i prefer he wear a collared shirt from time to time. left to his own devices, he will wear a soccer jersey every day of his life.  finn on the otherhand is 13, and this is the age when kid don't take suggestions as easily from their parents...desperately wanting more independence.

so here's what happened.

c had to be at a jobsite early one morning, and asked me to take the boys to school. i was happy to, as i normally don't drive the boys and any extra time i can get with them is a treat. this particular morning, finn had on his 'usual' outfit, a collared shirt {cotton jersey polo} and plain front khaki shorts. he looked nice as he typically does AND his colors were coordinated...something he doesn't always think about. so why the fuss? well, finn literally wears a combination of this outfit day in and day out! he told me he wished he had a uniform because he wouldn't even have to pick out clothes. i had recently purchased 2 new surf brand tees and asked him kindly if he would wear one of those. i even pulled the tee out of the closet and showed him how well it matched the shorts he was wearing.  he responded "i can wear what i want to wear mom. i'm not a little kid who can be dressed". *sigh*


i explained that i was very aware he isn't a little kid, but would really be appreciative if he wore some of his new clothes that i spent money on, washed and hung in his closet. he was adamant that he was wearing the shirt he had on. scout chimed in "finn, why are you being such a bad teenager". *another sigh*  finn got snippy back, and a perfectly good morning went south fast.

on the way to school, i tried to understand finn's thought process, because he is logical about the decisions he makes. i asked him why it was so important for him to wear a collared shirt to school every day. i reminded him that when he is an adult, he will likely have to wear one to work every day, so while he is young, he might want to take advantage of dressing casual. he replied "i prefer collared shirts because they are more professional mom".  i realize c and i might have the only 13 year old on the west coast, possibly in the whole of the U.S. who wants to wear a collared shirt to school every day.
later i texted my mom to share the story...after having raised 7 children, i knew she would find humor in it as she's seen it all. she reminded me that these little battles are the easy stuff...that there will be a day when i will need to take a strong stand on things that really matter, that have real impact and consequences - drinking, drugs, smoking, sex, body art/piercings, peer pressure, etc. this morning's shirt decision is really a non-issue and if anything, it should give me something to smile about and to record. someday, i'll share this story with finn's future wife who will smile and say "that's one of the many reasons i fell in love with him".

~ two days later, i came home from work to find finn having a snack at the kitchen counter.  he was wearing a nasa tee shirt that he had gotten in his easter basket. i asked if he wore it to school that day and he said oh yes. i responded "but that's a tee shirt, just like the quicksilver tee". his reply "but it's a NASA tee shirt mom. they are a professional government agency". of course!

finn's laser tag birthday

over the year's finn has had some pretty amazing birthdays.
most have been backyard parties, but a few were a little fancier,
one even on an aircraft carrier. {i think that might be my favorite}.


since finn is a winter baby, beach and pool birthday parties are never ideal,
even in san diego, so we have to be a little more creative in our planning.
this year, he decided to have a laser tag themed birthday. he had never had one,
but he's been to plenty of them.  this is what he chose for his BIG #13!

i booked a 3-game party at ultrazone which is just 10 minutes from the house.
a birthday 'host' was part of the package and we were lucky to have been given
a 20 year old male to keep finn and his friends engaged and entertained. he
actually went into the laser room and played with them. the boys really enjoyed
this guy, and i enjoyed hanging out with my dear friend aspen, who kept me company
throughout the entire party. 


the cake: once again, c outdid himself and presented his firstborn with an accurate
scale model of the falcon 9, spaceX's landing barge. i thought c had exhausted all the
space cake ideas, but apparently not.  he talked to finn and this is what they came up with.
{the birthday boy gets to select the design}. c worked on the model for several evenings 
leading up to finn's birthday celebration, so it wasn't a complete surprise, but it was VERY
appreciated. as i watched finn's face light up as c lit the candles, which i believe were representing
the boosters of the rocket, i thought how lucky my boys are to have a dad who enjoys making his boys'
birthdays so special. he has a talent for creating and building and he builds these cakes with
lots of love. 


some photos highlights of finn's #13:

thirteen years today

there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child.
- anne lamott

dearest finn,
thirteen years ago today, your dad and i became parents to a bald and bouncing baby boy - YOU! from day one, we were smitten...literally on cloud nine for probably the first year of your life. i think our faces probably ached from all the smiling. for ten years, your dad and i had lived a relatively carefree life together before you arrived, but you turned everything on end! still, we welcomed it all - the chaos, the bliss and the pure exhaustion. we were as ready as we could ever be to be parents. now you are 13, and we are in awe of the person you have become. i have mixed feelings about you entering your teen years. a part of me wants to freeze time so i can enjoy just a little bit more of your childhood years, but another part of me is really excited about what is ahead of you. as tradition goes, here are 13 things i have observed about you and would like to remember about you as you enter your teen years:

1. you dream big and are discovering your place in the world
your dad and i tell you the world is your oyster, and you believe it. you look at the world with endless wonder and possibilities and talk often about what you might do someday. some days you tell us you want to work for elon musk at spaceX and other days you think you'll design aircraft or rovers as an aerospace engineer. we remind you there is lots of time to decide what you want to study in college and what job you want when you are an adult.  for now, just enjoy being a middle schooler and exploring your interests.


2. you love sushi
if you have your choice of any meal for a special dinner, you chose sushi. you weren't a fan of it after eating grocery store bought sushi {ick}, but absolutely loved it after trying fresh sushi at a restaurant. your favorite place to go is wasabi sushi, our neighborhood restaurant, that is just around the corner. i take you here very other month when we have our mom/son evenings out. we sit at the sushi bar where the sushi chef knows your name and your favorite dish. you tell me about your latest projects at school and whatever else is on your mind. i treasure these evenings with you and i think you do too.



3. you are still an old soul 
from as far back as i can remember, you've been wise beyond your years. during your preschool days, i journaled that you were like an adult in a tiny body. you listened to reason from a very early age, spoke clearly and looked adults in the eyes and would tell us what was best for you to watch on tv {even before we told you}. i'll never forget the time when i was trying to find something for you to watch on tv while i made dinner. you announced that the cartoon network was "dumb tv" and that it didn't teach kids anything. you told me pbs kids was the best because it was educational. i was already a fan of pbs kids, but i didn't know a thing about the other network. a few weeks later when the family was staying at a hotel somewhere, i turned the television and the carton network was on and you were absolutely right {hopefully it's gotten better over the years}? it's as if you knew at the tender of 4, that if you are going to spend time doing something, you might as well be learning. you have so much discipline finn, more than most adults really. you are unique in this way and it has and will serve you well.  sometimes i think you would really like to fast forward into adulthood. you see adults as having endless freedom, a car, and our own money. what you don't see is all the responsibilities and stress that can come with a mortgage/rent, a job and the responsibility of raising two humans. these things are ALOT harder than being a child, trust me. try to enjoy these years finn and don't wish to grow up too fast.  adulthood comes soon enough.



4. you are loyal
you are a great son, friend and brother, and spend your energy on this small group. you don't have or seem to want a big social network and i'd consider you more of an introvert than a extrovert.  some would never guess this because you engage with others, know how to build consensus and be a leader, but social engagements don't excite you in the way they do for your little brother or your mom. you prefer the company of your two closest friends to a big group of kids. while most of the boys are throwing a football around at school after lunch, you and andrew, your best friend, prefer to talk about rocket designs, ksp or the next spaceX launch. someday your conversations might include girls, but for now they don't. you told me recently that "it's ridiculous to even think about girls during middle school and you might think about them after grad school. a part of me truly believes this might be true. you have so much self discipline finn, but then again, you just turned 13. time will tell.



5. you love dessert
i joke that you and scout got this from your southern mama, because you want something sweet or salty every night after dinner. you and your brother tell me you have a 'second stomach' just for dessert. your favorites dessert is ice cream {you enjoy many flavors} and you absolutely love popcorn. you can easily devour a bag or two on your own if we let you. in trying to raise 'healthier' kids, the typical desserts are now reserved for weekends.{now if only mr. gerber will get on board}



6. you still enjoy reading but...
about two months ago, when we selected the diary of anne frank from our library shelf, you asked that it be our last read aloud book together. you said it gently, with your arm around me knowing that it would be hard for me to hear. you and i have been reading consistently together since you were a baby. it's something we have both enjoyed for years, but as you started saying "i'm a teenager now mom", you didn't need to say more. i understood. the conversation ended with you telling me to keep recommending books i think you will like and you will read them and we can discuss. oh how i loved this finn.


we currently have 1/4 of anne frank left and we are both thoroughly enjoying it. you are getting insights into teenage girls, which is new for you. your eyebrows have gone up several times throughout the book, and i chuckle inside my head when this happens. when we finish this book, i imagine there will be tears flowing from me, not just for anne frank and her family, but for the end of this chapter in my life with you. i will miss reading with you. of all the things i've given you over your 13 years finn, an appreciation for books and reading might be what i'm most proud of. i've watched books open your eyes to things you were didn't know exist and fill your mind when things you wanted to know more about. books have taught you more compassion, more vocabulary, and to be a better speller. you know have a strong foundation finn, and my hope is you enjoy reading for the rest of your years...alone, to your children and someday your grandchildren.




7. you look up to your father
i watch you daily and see how important it is for you to have your dad's approval. even more than mine, you want your fathers. i believe this has much to do with you being a male like him. you are learning what it is to be a man and i hope you continue to look at your father as a role model because he is a good man. he is kind, intelligent, hardworking, resourceful, has a great sense of humor and he values family. he puts hours of effort and energy into our family and into you and scout. there isn't a week or weekend that goes by when he isn't engaged in some type of project with you boys {you spent 4 hours today building an estes rocket}. work and making tons of money is not his priority, nor are his friends or even tennis and surfing.  the old saying, 'people make time for what they love' leaves no room for doubt who your dad loves finn. he makes time for US because he loves US most of all. you are a lucky kid....we are a lucky family. stay close to your dad and he'll help you navigate these teenage years ahead.



8. you enjoy surfing
you prefer warm water to cold and wish san diego had warmer water {me too}, but you still surf. you have a full suit and even booties but it's still cold.  still, you find it worth it and enjoy the calm of the ocean from the shores and the thrill of riding a wave. when you see dolphins in the water while you are out in the surf, it's makes your entire day. though you enjoy catching waves, you don't care much about surf competitions. if you have a choice, you'd just practice with your team every week and skip the competition part. typically, you are an 'alternate' on the roster during competitions, but 3 out of 5x tournaments, you compete because your team needs you. today, they did and you took 4th in your heat which earned 3 points for your high tech surf team. you didn't seem to care, but c and i are  proud of you and glad you have something that you enjoy, and that you contribute to a team when you are needed. and don't forget, when the water is warm, or we ware on vacation in a tropical climate, surfing is something the entire family can do together. {your mom isn't as tough as you when it comes to cold water, but will go when we are somewhere tropical}



9. you want more privileges and responsibilities
this past year has been full of changes for you and our family. since you turned 12 last january, you babysit on occasion for neighbors and for family friends with young children, AND you get to be home alone with scout for a few hours every week. because you have shown you are responsible, your dad and i are having regular weekly date nights since we are saving money on a sitter. you and scout are getting free reign of the house for a few hours and you both absolutely love this! honestly, i would have left you at home alone with scout at age 10 because i felt you were ready, but your dad insisted we wait until you were 12. i think he worried more about you and scout fighting and getting hurt....not burning down the house. these days, we don't worry much about that anymore. you two have found ways to get along or at least are able to do your own thing so there is less confrontation.


another privilege you received was your first cell phone. *gasp* we had planned on giving you one for your 13th birthday, but your dad was upgrading and there was a 'special', so you received a phone 2 months early. you were ready for it and promptly told us that you wouldn't abuse it. to date you haven't{it's early yet but we are hoping it lasts}. you have no interest in social media, claiming it's for "girls and a waste of time", so that's one less thing your dad and i have to worry about. what you do on your phone is what most boys your age do, you text and talk to your buddies, watch youtube videos and play video games. we've set boundaries and overall, you've been responsible with this new freedom. last, you have no complaints when we asked that you plug your phone in to the 'central charging station' in the kitchen every night so it doesn't go to your bedroom. this is a non-negotiable! it works wonderfully for couples and will for growing teenagers who need sleep for their growing bodies.

for the last 3, i decided to do something a bit different. i felt the need to give you a short list of things i want you to remember over your teen years. there is so much more, but there will be more birthdays. for now....


10. Be Kind
being a teenager can be really hard. your dad and i were once there and though it was a long time ago, we remember what it's like. your body is going to go through lots of changes, you'll have deadlines and projects at school, piano recitals, peer pressure and probably a bit of girl drama {at some point} and lots of other things that will cause you frustration. your dad and i will do our best to be patient and show you kindness through all this, and we ask that you do the same. i know your little brother can be a pain sometimes, but keep scout close. friends may come and go, but your brother will always be there. he loves you so much and looks up to you. be especially kind to him.




11. Own your life
no one owes you anything finn. you must work hard to get what you want in life so take the time to think about what that is. it's never too early to think about your future - even if it's just in some areas of your life. your dad and i have encouraged age appropriate independence since you were a toddler and will continue to do this during your teen years. our job is to prepare you to be a capable and contributing adult in the world. we will do our best to support you, but always remember that YOU are responsible for your own life...YOU shape your destiny.



12. Always call home
No matter what the situation, check in with us. As you get older, you will be away from us more and more and for peace of mind, we need to know you are safe. We may not always like the decisions you make, but we always want to know you are safe and will always be here for you.


13. Think positively
Your life will move towards what you're constantly thinking about, so don't think negative thoughts. Think happiness, success, and that you have enough. Show gratitude and often...this will help you be content in your life.

i am deeply grateful to be your mom and am grateful you were our firstborn. you made it easier for us to decide to give you a brother. you bring calm to our home, help us see the world in a new ways and you bring up our family's collective IQ. for this and so much more, thank you finn.
we love you. happy thirteen!!




Your Stats: at 13, you are 57" (4-9"), weigh 75 lbs, wear a size 10 in jeans and shirts, and a size 3.5  tennis shoe. you are slight compared to most boys your age, but this doesn't bother you in the least. because sports aren't important to you, you don't care about being tall or having big muscles. you are a 'thinker' and your brain is your biggest asset. as long as that's intact, you have everything you need.

super boys

at the art for from the heart event a month ago or so,
there were SUPER cute centerpieces in the middle
of each of the round tables.

and what were the SUPER centerpieces you might ask?

they were photos of the SUPER explorer elementary
children in superhero capes and masks.
{for parents, there's nothing cutter than our kiddos}

of course this was a fundraiser so the photos were
for sale and of course we bought these.

finn oliver {age 9} - faster than a speeding bullet

scout {age 5}- he said he had laser eyes

the entire event was themed around explorer's
SUPER kids and SUPER staff. there were life-sized
superheros to pose with, games, raffles and lots of food.
some of the adults even wore super hero costumes.
the event was tons of fun!
i'm anxious to hear how much the event raised.

my girlfriend jen is in the midst of planning a
superhero birthday party for her little guy and
she sent me a this photo a few weeks ago.
this will be the invite picture - SO cute!
{she is a talented photographer)

keith bennett

i hope you had a great weekend!  

c was in sacramento for an architecture thing
{he helps write exam questions for future CA architects}.

while daddy was away, the boys and i stayed busy with a 1st birthday party, 

a long bike ride, fort building, warrior training, and a camp out {in my bed}.  

always a treat for them...a tougher sleep for me.