~ carl sagan
So many incredible things are yet to be known, but one thing is known - 14 years ago, one INCREDIBLE thing happened, and that was the birth of you, Finn Oliver Gerber! That little bald baby boy, now you, has brought so much love, joy and life to our family.
This year has been full of change, discovery and growth. Your dad and me watch in
awe as you grow and sometimes with tears as we realize how little time we have
left with you before you head out into the world. I try not to think about it too much, but the years go by way too fast. Continuing my tradition, here are 14 things that I want to remember about you at this very time in your life:
1. You have
grown A LOT this past year.
I am literally looking into your eyes when we stand face to face. You are just a 2" shorter than me and we have the same size
feet! We still have the surfboard grow
chart hanging on your wall that we've had since you were a year old to track you and your brother’s
height and when your father marked your height, we saw that you have grown almost 5” – CRAZY!! You
are very happy about this as you tell us you are the smallest kid in your
grade, and have been for the last 2 years.
I shared that your Uncle Todd was very small until age 15/16. You will
grow too Finn. You won’t be tall, but you won’t be 5’ forever either. i promise.
2. You eat
like a truck driver.
What I mean by this is you eat A LOT these days and you eat fast. I finally understand that
reference “my kid is eating me out of house and home”. Our grocery bill is bigger and my trips to
the grocery store are more frequent. We
try to eat dinner as a family every chance we get and if you have your way, you’ll
clear your plate in 5 minutes and be gone. I remind you to ‘taste your food’ and
to enjoy meal time. It’s one of the few times the whole family is together during the day, so please sit with us longer Finn. We absolutely love your company.
One of my favorite things about this stage of your life is that you eat just
about anything now which makes meal time so much more exciting. I can
experiment with recipes and you will eat them {even if they aren't great}. You are also up for eating an any restaurant and trying new foods which makes life so much more enjoyable...especially because San Diego has so many restaurants to chose. Our neighborhood alone has probably over 2 dozen. Given a choice between any type of food, you still prefer
sushi, but you also love Italian, Chinese and Mexican.
3. The ocean
is one of your happy places.
You gladly get up at the crack of dawn every Sunday morning to surf with your
middle school surf team. You set out
your wetsuit, surfboard, wax, towel and snacks the night before so you can just
jump in the car with your dad and head to the beach. On occasion, I tag along
and watch you for a bit, say hi to the kids and their parents, and then I go
for a run. It's a true surfer who can get up at the crack of dawn and paddle out into the pacific ocean in the winter months.
You don’t care about competing
in surf contests, and you don’t go to socialize like a few of the kids on the
team. You go because you love the ocean – its beauty, its power, the workout,
and the dopamine that is released when you ride a wave. It just feels
good! I’m guessing you enjoy the trip to
Taco Surf with dad after every surf practice. It’s a ritual for you two.
One of your 8th grade projects this year was titled ‘Monumental
Figures’. Students were asked to select a person from the United States who
doesn’t currently have a monument created for them, and explain why they were
deserving of one. You chose Carl Sagan,
a name I recognized from my childhood. He was the host of the original Cosmos TV
series, which is now hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson. You loved this project Finn, and
spent hours researching him. When you presented your project to us, and all the
8th grade parents, your enthusiasm and your research on him spilled over to me. Over the next few weeks, I pulled up a
few of the original Cosmos shows and Sagan interviews on youtube and watched because of you. He is a fasinating man. You continue to learn about Sagan and his theories. You are
currently reading his booked titled, A
Pale Blue Dot that Grandma Gerber
(GG) sent you for Christmas. You told me
you are “taking your time with it” because it’s full of so much
information. Oh Finn, your dad and I never tire
of watching you get excited about something.
5. You have
no interest in social media, but you do enjoy video games
Moms of daughters often have struggles around social media, but this is one
area parents of boys typically don’t struggle.
There are exceptions to the rule of course, but we don’t anticipate you
opening a Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Snapchat account anytime soon Finn. For
now you prefer to text and Skype with your friends.
Like most boys your age, you
enjoy gaming and want to play longer than we prefer you to play. You have designated
‘educational’ and ‘recreational’ computer time and you’d love more recreational
time. You tell us we are stricter than
most of your friend’s parents, but in the same breath, you have said it’s a
good thing. Oh Finn, we are doing our best. We have rules because we care and
want you to use time wisely. We don’t mind you playing videos games, we just
want you to have balance – face to face time with friends and lots of outdoor
play. Since we don’t have any gaming consoles or portable gaming devices, this has helped tremendously. when you play games, they on your computer desktop and it's easy for us to monitor and less tempting for you.. Kerbal Space Program (KSP) is still your favorite game,
with Portal 2 as the runner up.
6. You are a
fan of Stranger Things
The day came your dad and I FINALLY let you watch this series. Your friends started watching last year, but your
dad and I thought it was a bit dark. Childhood is such a short window. We wanted to extend yours a bit longer. It’s
tricky being a parent….some decisiuons we make seem instinctual and we just know and feel good about,
and other things we aren’t sure at all about. It's a learning process and a constant reassessing. You never pushed us or got upset when we told you that you would have to
wait to see it. That's not your style. You simply said “let me know when that time comes”.
When you turned 14, it seemed
the right time. You just finished Season One and you thoroughly enjoyed it. The
boys in the show are your age and there’s just enough sci-fi and creepiness to excite you. About
halfway through the season, you said “I know why you and dad like this show so
much mom, it’s totally your generation”.
Yes Finn Oliver, it is. It’s like
travelling back in time for us parents who were kids/teenagers in the 80s – the
music, the clothes, the walkie talkies, and even the banana seat bikes. When you commented that is would have been
cool to grow up in the 80s because life was simpler, I smiled and told you it
was a great time to be a kid. Now you know why your dad and I ask you and Scout
to leave your phones and go play outside {unsupervised}. We want you to experience
some of the freedom and the kind of playing that we had as kids.
7. Your
current favorite movie is Dunkirk.
I took you to see Dunkirk one weekend - it was just the two of us. You were mesmerized by this powerful film, which felt more like an art film to me than a traditional action/war film. The dialogue was sparse, and there was no over the top gore which was refreshing. On our drive home, you talked about how you liked that the Director focused on three different groups of people over three different time frames, the Royal Air Force (RAF) pilots, the crew of a small civilian yacht and a group of young British soldiers trapped on the beach, and how they line up to make a really great climax at the end. As you shared your thoughtful critique, I smiled inside and thought “this is one of the joys of having a teenager”. They have more experience and now can share great perspective. The conversation we had Finn added so much more to my experience of the film. Thank you for this.
I took you to see Dunkirk one weekend - it was just the two of us. You were mesmerized by this powerful film, which felt more like an art film to me than a traditional action/war film. The dialogue was sparse, and there was no over the top gore which was refreshing. On our drive home, you talked about how you liked that the Director focused on three different groups of people over three different time frames, the Royal Air Force (RAF) pilots, the crew of a small civilian yacht and a group of young British soldiers trapped on the beach, and how they line up to make a really great climax at the end. As you shared your thoughtful critique, I smiled inside and thought “this is one of the joys of having a teenager”. They have more experience and now can share great perspective. The conversation we had Finn added so much more to my experience of the film. Thank you for this.
8. You continue to be an avid reader.
Non-fiction and science
fiction are still your favorite genres. You typically have two books going on at the same time – one at home and
one that goes with you to school and in the car. Tonight, when I came into your
room to kiss you goodnight, you were engrossed in your new book, A Pale BlueDot, and you have Artemis, the newest book by Andy Weir, the author of The Martian,
on your bookshelf to read next.
Last month, you finished
reading All the Light We Cannot See,
by Anthony Doerr. I don’t recommend many
books to you Finn, but I recommended this Pulitzer Prize winner that I read years ago. I was just waiting
for you to be old enough to read it and your got there. You remind me so much of the German boy,
Werner, in the story. He too loved engineering. We talked about the book over sushi last month, and it was one of our best dinners together. At the end of
the night, I asked if you had a book to recommend to me, and you suggested Red
Rising by Pierce Brown. I started it last week. It’s a dystopian sci-fi novel
that reminds me a little bit of Hunger Games. I’m just a few chapters in, but
I’m enjoying it.
9. You are ready for high school
Your mother may not
be ready for you to be in high school, but you certainly are. You are ready for
greater independence that comes with it, more advanced and in-depth classes, a
wider variety of students and abilities, and after-school clubs for things you
are passionate about. You have been
dreaming of joining the robotics team for years and your time is almost here.
You’ve been watching high school robotics teams compete since you were a Kindergartener,
and soon you will be ON one of robotics team. You better believe your family will
be there to cheer you on, and maybe even embarrass you a little bit. {you know
your dad}
10. Girls
The opposite sex is not a distraction in your life at this point and for this we are so grateful.
Your dad and I aren’t encouraging it as there is plenty of time
for that down the road. Middle and high
school are about learning who you are, preparing for higher education/your career, and making lifetime friends. Those typically are
friends of the same sex, and this is how it should be. A few of your friends have ‘crushes’, but I think texting
each other is the extent of middle school relationships. I realize this will
change for a lot of kids in high school, but your dad and I don’t think this
will be where you put your time. You’ve got your sights on more important
things right now – joining the high school robotics team and then college. You are one determined and focused kid Finn,
and this will serve you well. When the time does come for you to date, the girl
who does get your focus will be very lucky.
11. You are a
huge help around the house.
Your dad and I appreciate it so much. Over the
last two years, and more so this year, you have stepped up in a big way with
everything - from cleaning the pool cover, taking groceries from the car and
putting them away, unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, dusting, a little cooking, and even packing
your lunch {ok this one I asked you to}, but you are learning to recognize what
needs to be done around the house and pitching in. Thank you for this!
12. Your
passion is contagious
Listening to you speak about something you are passionate about fascinates
me often more than the subject you are speaking of. I don’t have the passion or the attention span
to study the mysteries of space or to understand the engineering of SpaceX’s Falcon
rocket. You however, do Finn. From your
early years, how things work and the world and it's mysteries are things that have interested you and excited you. People are drawn to passion, and for parents, there’s little more exciting than seeing your child passionate about learning and discovering. Your passion encourages the rest of us to keep pushing for things that move us.
Last week at your Student Led Conference (SLC), you presented your work to your dad and me and as you spoke, you looked directly into our eyes, exuding total confidence. You owned your SLC Finn - sharing what you have learned in your math and science class, sharing your neatly organized work and discussing your goals for the remaining school year. I sat listening to you and thought WOW – you couldn't have been more prepared and you make public speaking look so easy. You received perfect scores in all your classes – straight 100s, and had a few scores over 100 because you did extra credit. School comes easy for you Finn, and because of this, our biggest fear when it comes to your education, is that you will lose interest. We want you to stay excited about learning and work with your teachers to help make this happen. Remember, you too play a role.
13. You have enormous amounts of patience.
Having a teenager is still pretty new for our family. We are all trying to figure out how things are supposed to work. While
you are changing and trying to figure out this teenage thing, remember that we are too. I sometimes
forget your age, and talk to you like you are a little kid. I
know this is frustrating and that you prefer to be treated like an adult. Since you aren't one quite yet, I’m
trying to find that middle place - allowing you greater freedom, but still guiding you along too. More than anything, I want
you to feel respected and loved and to know that we trust you. Until you break is, we will you give you the benefit of the doubt. Be patient with me if I remind you to grab
your permission slip, to do your homework, or practice piano. I think giving ‘reminders’ is in a mom’s DNA. Also, thank you for your continued patience
with Scout. He loves and looks up to you SO much, so be gracious with him Finn.
Always remember how important it is to have a sibling. They know you better than anyone, have your
best interest in mind, support your dreams, and they make great travel
companions. {just think how boring it would be without him along on our family vacations}. *wink*
14. You are kind
You greet your mama at the door every night when I come home from work and you give me a hug and kiss. You do this more for me I'm sure than for you, and I am grateful for it. Though you don't feel like your mom's little boy, my arms still want to pick you up. Actually, I try sometimes, and you just laugh because I don't have enough leverage anymore. You are too tall {and I'm too short}. You show kindess to your father when you help him with projects that you really aren't interested in, but you know he is excited about. You are kind to our sweet elderly next door neighbors who wants to chat with you from time to time because...even when I'm sure you would rather be doing something else. Last, I see your kindness when you help Scout put broken Lego sets back together or when he gets stuck on complicated math problems. These are things you do regularly Finn, and it warms my heart because acts of kindness are never wasted.
You greet your mama at the door every night when I come home from work and you give me a hug and kiss. You do this more for me I'm sure than for you, and I am grateful for it. Though you don't feel like your mom's little boy, my arms still want to pick you up. Actually, I try sometimes, and you just laugh because I don't have enough leverage anymore. You are too tall {and I'm too short}. You show kindess to your father when you help him with projects that you really aren't interested in, but you know he is excited about. You are kind to our sweet elderly next door neighbors who wants to chat with you from time to time because...even when I'm sure you would rather be doing something else. Last, I see your kindness when you help Scout put broken Lego sets back together or when he gets stuck on complicated math problems. These are things you do regularly Finn, and it warms my heart because acts of kindness are never wasted.
Happy 14th Birthday Finn! You shine bright and are loved
more than ALL the stars in the galaxy!
Always and Forever.
Mom
You are 5’-1’ and weigh 86 lbs. You are a size 12 in shirts and jeans
and you wear a size 6 shoe.
