wardrobe war

i prefer wearing collared shirts to school. they are more professional.
- finn oliver gerber, age 13


i am slightly embarrassed to be posting about this, but i told my sister jen recently that though i typically focus and record the all the good things in my life, i don't want her, or anyone to believe, things are perfect. they aren't and i learned long ago, perfection doesn't exist. life is messy and i'll make a point to record some of my messy life too.

like all parents, there are days i worry about a parenting decision that i made, worry that i wasn't as 'present' as i could be for my children, or that i haven't shown enough gratitude for all that my husband does,. some days are full of angst - frantic rushes out the door, tearing through the house in search of shin guards for soccer, signing permission slips, forgotten lunchboxes, arguments and sometimes even tears.

though the 'wardrobe war' didn't roll over to a messy day, it was a messy morning. it revolved around finn's wardrobe choice. you may be chuckling because that's usually something parents of daughters deal with more. my mama friends who have little or big girls have shared countless stories about wardrobe wars beginning as early as preschool and kindergarten. i should preface my story by sharing that up until about a year ago, the boys would wear whatever i suggested. scout will still change out of a soccer jersey when asked because he knows i prefer he wear a collared shirt from time to time. left to his own devices, he will wear a soccer jersey every day of his life.  finn on the otherhand is 13, and this is the age when kid don't take suggestions as easily from their parents...desperately wanting more independence.

so here's what happened.

c had to be at a jobsite early one morning, and asked me to take the boys to school. i was happy to, as i normally don't drive the boys and any extra time i can get with them is a treat. this particular morning, finn had on his 'usual' outfit, a collared shirt {cotton jersey polo} and plain front khaki shorts. he looked nice as he typically does AND his colors were coordinated...something he doesn't always think about. so why the fuss? well, finn literally wears a combination of this outfit day in and day out! he told me he wished he had a uniform because he wouldn't even have to pick out clothes. i had recently purchased 2 new surf brand tees and asked him kindly if he would wear one of those. i even pulled the tee out of the closet and showed him how well it matched the shorts he was wearing.  he responded "i can wear what i want to wear mom. i'm not a little kid who can be dressed". *sigh*


i explained that i was very aware he isn't a little kid, but would really be appreciative if he wore some of his new clothes that i spent money on, washed and hung in his closet. he was adamant that he was wearing the shirt he had on. scout chimed in "finn, why are you being such a bad teenager". *another sigh*  finn got snippy back, and a perfectly good morning went south fast.

on the way to school, i tried to understand finn's thought process, because he is logical about the decisions he makes. i asked him why it was so important for him to wear a collared shirt to school every day. i reminded him that when he is an adult, he will likely have to wear one to work every day, so while he is young, he might want to take advantage of dressing casual. he replied "i prefer collared shirts because they are more professional mom".  i realize c and i might have the only 13 year old on the west coast, possibly in the whole of the U.S. who wants to wear a collared shirt to school every day.
later i texted my mom to share the story...after having raised 7 children, i knew she would find humor in it as she's seen it all. she reminded me that these little battles are the easy stuff...that there will be a day when i will need to take a strong stand on things that really matter, that have real impact and consequences - drinking, drugs, smoking, sex, body art/piercings, peer pressure, etc. this morning's shirt decision is really a non-issue and if anything, it should give me something to smile about and to record. someday, i'll share this story with finn's future wife who will smile and say "that's one of the many reasons i fell in love with him".

~ two days later, i came home from work to find finn having a snack at the kitchen counter.  he was wearing a nasa tee shirt that he had gotten in his easter basket. i asked if he wore it to school that day and he said oh yes. i responded "but that's a tee shirt, just like the quicksilver tee". his reply "but it's a NASA tee shirt mom. they are a professional government agency". of course!