questions of life....

scoutie came into the kitchen one evening a few months ago.
i was loading the dishwasher and tidying up after dinner. he said "mom" and i responded
with my standard"yes". i didn't look up as i was waiting for a simple question to follow like,
can i have a piece of my halloween or easter candy. instead, he responded with "nevermind".
as i looked up at him, i could see he was distressed. i asked him what was wrong and if he
wanted to talk about it. he scanned the room anxiously to see if anyone else was around and
tears began forming in his eyes.


i put down my dishtowel, and recognizing that he needed some privacy,
i took him into the garage and set him up on the dryer so we were eye level.
i gave him a big hug and asked him to share what was bothering him. 


i was expecting him to tell me that finn did something to him, or that he had a tough day
at school or that he missed his bestie. i was NOT prepared for what he said.


he asked me if i believed in heaven and if people didn't believe in heaven, then where would
they go and what is the purpose of all this. {meaning life}.


Whew - this was heavy stuff.


i told him that this is a question people have been asking since the beginning of time. 
i thought if only i was still practicing the mormon faith, i'd have answers to everything
or at least have faith that there are answers to all the questions of life.
but the truth is, i'm not practicing the religion and i don't believe we have answers to all these
questions. i don't think anyone does. i gently told scout that i really don't know
if there is a heaven, BUT that i love the idea of heaven. it's certainly a beautiful and comforting
place to believe in and i told him i choose to believe a place that we will all be together somewhere
after we die and he nodded and gave me a HUGE hug.


he told me that finn doesn't believe in heaven, and i responded that it was
perfectly ok. there are about 7 billion people on this planet and many of us have very different
beliefs...and have the right to believe those things because religion is personal. 
he then reminded me that we don't really know what happens after we die, we just hope
there's a heaven. i told him that's what faith is all about...trusting in what we can't see or
understand. he seemed satisfied with this. i didn't need to complicate things and go into detail
about various religions and their heavens. he didn't need all that.
i think he was just thinking about death - whether his own, mine or others and needed
to talk about it and to be comforted.


i never did learn what brought this topic on for scout. i never asked and he never said.
as i shared all this with c before bed the same night, i told him i didn't have the
answers to the questions of life, but i was glad i was able to comfort my 9 year old boy...
at least for an evening.