mother's day: 2017

MOM turned upside down is WOW!
- scout gerber, age 9

did you know this?  i didn't, at least not until scout pointed it out to me.
he told me this as he presented me with a homemade card first thing on mother's day. it had MOM written in all caps across the front. he turned it upside down to show me {in case i didn't believe him}.  he was so proud of his card, and i was happy to receive it. it's currently hanging by a magnet in our kitchen, but i've decided to bring to work this week and hang at my desk. i could tell he spent a bit of time with it...he drew flowers of every color across the entire bottom. i thanked him and gave him a big squeeze. it's rare my little draws pictures for me anymore, so i will treasure this as it may be my last. finn and c wandered into the kitchen so they too could present me with their cards and a big spring flower bouquet which also filled me with warm fuzzies and made our entire kitchen smell like spring. finn's was a handwritten card with a very thoughtful message. he said he was going to "love me more in my love language", a term we borrowed from the popular book, the five love languages. we've all taken the quiz and are aware of each other's love language so that we can love each other in ways that are truly meaningful to each other.  {he even had a p.s. that said i'm going to try to love scout more in his love language too}.
finn reminded me not to eat anything because they were taking me to breakfast. typically they bring me breakfast in bed, but this year, i suggested we try a new cafe that just opened up in our neighborhood. finn seemed relieved not to have to cook, but scout seemed a bit disappointed. he LOVES to bring me breakfast in bed on special occasions, namely mother's day and my birthday, so i felt a little guilty for taking this away from him. i mentioned that breakfast in bed could be a surprise any time of the year. *wink* he said he had never thought of that. if i ever get it, i'll try to remember to come back and write about it.  also, along with scout's drawing, the cards and flowers, was a MOM questionnaire from scout.

it's absolutely adorable and though the responses aren't quite as funny as when he was in preschool, they are certainly more thoughtful and a bit more accurate {he still put an extra 5 lbs on me and the brady bunch series is one of his current favorite shows right now}. c and i introduced it to the boys a few weeks ago and he's thoroughly enjoying it. truth be told, we are all enjoying it. it's a fun walk down memory lane for us c and me who grew up watching the show. finn said he's "learning alot about our generation and how we grew up". as i made dinner, i reflected on our day together - the yummy breakfast and our lazy day at the beach watching the boys explore the rocks and catching hermit crabs in the sand. i also thought about being a mom - how so much life has changed since the days pre-kids. i loved those pre-kid days, but am so grateful that i didn't rush into the role of mother shortly after c and i married. we were so young and waiting allowed me {and c} time to grow -  as individuals and together before we took on helping another human grow.  i had no idea being a mom would be both beautiful and terrifying at the same time, but even on the toughest days, i wouldn't trade it for the world.  i don't think many mothers would. i also thought about the relationships i have with all the mothers in my life - how essential they are. i will be forever grateful for all of them - my mother-in-laws who are fierce and fabulous woman. they share, guide, listen, console and celebrate with me. barby or 'GG' has been there from my newlywed days, visited me at the hospital when finn was born and is still there now as i mother a teenage son. for sheila who keeps the gerber family connected so well and who shares so much about her journey as a mother. last, i am grateful for my own mother who is a beacon in my life - always there, shining brightly and guiding me. she spent years of her life teaching and providing her children with a compass so we can navigate through life more easily.  maybe even more importantly, she laid out a roadmap for us to follow by how she has lived her life with my father.



happy mother's day to all mother's everywhere!


xo

wardrobe war

i prefer wearing collared shirts to school. they are more professional.
- finn oliver gerber, age 13


i am slightly embarrassed to be posting about this, but i told my sister jen recently that though i typically focus and record the all the good things in my life, i don't want her, or anyone to believe, things are perfect. they aren't and i learned long ago, perfection doesn't exist. life is messy and i'll make a point to record some of my messy life too.

like all parents, there are days i worry about a parenting decision that i made, worry that i wasn't as 'present' as i could be for my children, or that i haven't shown enough gratitude for all that my husband does,. some days are full of angst - frantic rushes out the door, tearing through the house in search of shin guards for soccer, signing permission slips, forgotten lunchboxes, arguments and sometimes even tears.

though the 'wardrobe war' didn't roll over to a messy day, it was a messy morning. it revolved around finn's wardrobe choice. you may be chuckling because that's usually something parents of daughters deal with more. my mama friends who have little or big girls have shared countless stories about wardrobe wars beginning as early as preschool and kindergarten. i should preface my story by sharing that up until about a year ago, the boys would wear whatever i suggested. scout will still change out of a soccer jersey when asked because he knows i prefer he wear a collared shirt from time to time. left to his own devices, he will wear a soccer jersey every day of his life.  finn on the otherhand is 13, and this is the age when kid don't take suggestions as easily from their parents...desperately wanting more independence.

so here's what happened.

c had to be at a jobsite early one morning, and asked me to take the boys to school. i was happy to, as i normally don't drive the boys and any extra time i can get with them is a treat. this particular morning, finn had on his 'usual' outfit, a collared shirt {cotton jersey polo} and plain front khaki shorts. he looked nice as he typically does AND his colors were coordinated...something he doesn't always think about. so why the fuss? well, finn literally wears a combination of this outfit day in and day out! he told me he wished he had a uniform because he wouldn't even have to pick out clothes. i had recently purchased 2 new surf brand tees and asked him kindly if he would wear one of those. i even pulled the tee out of the closet and showed him how well it matched the shorts he was wearing.  he responded "i can wear what i want to wear mom. i'm not a little kid who can be dressed". *sigh*


i explained that i was very aware he isn't a little kid, but would really be appreciative if he wore some of his new clothes that i spent money on, washed and hung in his closet. he was adamant that he was wearing the shirt he had on. scout chimed in "finn, why are you being such a bad teenager". *another sigh*  finn got snippy back, and a perfectly good morning went south fast.

on the way to school, i tried to understand finn's thought process, because he is logical about the decisions he makes. i asked him why it was so important for him to wear a collared shirt to school every day. i reminded him that when he is an adult, he will likely have to wear one to work every day, so while he is young, he might want to take advantage of dressing casual. he replied "i prefer collared shirts because they are more professional mom".  i realize c and i might have the only 13 year old on the west coast, possibly in the whole of the U.S. who wants to wear a collared shirt to school every day.
later i texted my mom to share the story...after having raised 7 children, i knew she would find humor in it as she's seen it all. she reminded me that these little battles are the easy stuff...that there will be a day when i will need to take a strong stand on things that really matter, that have real impact and consequences - drinking, drugs, smoking, sex, body art/piercings, peer pressure, etc. this morning's shirt decision is really a non-issue and if anything, it should give me something to smile about and to record. someday, i'll share this story with finn's future wife who will smile and say "that's one of the many reasons i fell in love with him".

~ two days later, i came home from work to find finn having a snack at the kitchen counter.  he was wearing a nasa tee shirt that he had gotten in his easter basket. i asked if he wore it to school that day and he said oh yes. i responded "but that's a tee shirt, just like the quicksilver tee". his reply "but it's a NASA tee shirt mom. they are a professional government agency". of course!

questions of life....

scoutie came into the kitchen one evening a few months ago.
i was loading the dishwasher and tidying up after dinner. he said "mom" and i responded
with my standard"yes". i didn't look up as i was waiting for a simple question to follow like,
can i have a piece of my halloween or easter candy. instead, he responded with "nevermind".
as i looked up at him, i could see he was distressed. i asked him what was wrong and if he
wanted to talk about it. he scanned the room anxiously to see if anyone else was around and
tears began forming in his eyes.


i put down my dishtowel, and recognizing that he needed some privacy,
i took him into the garage and set him up on the dryer so we were eye level.
i gave him a big hug and asked him to share what was bothering him. 


i was expecting him to tell me that finn did something to him, or that he had a tough day
at school or that he missed his bestie. i was NOT prepared for what he said.


he asked me if i believed in heaven and if people didn't believe in heaven, then where would
they go and what is the purpose of all this. {meaning life}.


Whew - this was heavy stuff.


i told him that this is a question people have been asking since the beginning of time. 
i thought if only i was still practicing the mormon faith, i'd have answers to everything
or at least have faith that there are answers to all the questions of life.
but the truth is, i'm not practicing the religion and i don't believe we have answers to all these
questions. i don't think anyone does. i gently told scout that i really don't know
if there is a heaven, BUT that i love the idea of heaven. it's certainly a beautiful and comforting
place to believe in and i told him i choose to believe a place that we will all be together somewhere
after we die and he nodded and gave me a HUGE hug.


he told me that finn doesn't believe in heaven, and i responded that it was
perfectly ok. there are about 7 billion people on this planet and many of us have very different
beliefs...and have the right to believe those things because religion is personal. 
he then reminded me that we don't really know what happens after we die, we just hope
there's a heaven. i told him that's what faith is all about...trusting in what we can't see or
understand. he seemed satisfied with this. i didn't need to complicate things and go into detail
about various religions and their heavens. he didn't need all that.
i think he was just thinking about death - whether his own, mine or others and needed
to talk about it and to be comforted.


i never did learn what brought this topic on for scout. i never asked and he never said.
as i shared all this with c before bed the same night, i told him i didn't have the
answers to the questions of life, but i was glad i was able to comfort my 9 year old boy...
at least for an evening.

family vacation: tulum

i had to post this video because it makes me smile.
scout was so happy to find a playground tucked away in the
corner of la zebra hotel.

and one of scout ziplining across a cenote:

family vacation: tulum

vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it.
- robert orben
this post is long overdue and because my memory isn't what it used to be,
i figured i better not wait any longer...i'm not getting any younger.


i'll begin by sharing tulum has been on my bucket list since i was in my teens.
it wasn't on my top 5 list because of it's beautiful beaches, although they are probably
the most beautiful i've EVER seen...to date.  it was the mayan ruins surrounding tulum
that i had been wanting to visit since my high school spanish teacher shared about her
adventures trekking all over the yucatán. i was fascinated with the mayan culture and their
pyramids, and knew i had to visit someday.

as many times as c and i have visited mexico, many were surprised we had never been to this
part of mexico. the real reason is because tulum is on the caribbean side of the country,
which means there  is no surf. this is tragic for active boys who like to surf, specifically the
biggest boy in the family where vacation is synonymous with surfing. with a trip planned to florida to visit family over thanksgiving, we figured it was the perfect time to see this part of mexico since it's just a short flight to florida from there.


we started our trip by flying out of tijuana, mexico to cancun on volaris airlines, and we left cancun as quickly as we could after renting a car. we headed to tulum, a quainter and quieter and much more beautiful town 2 hours south of cancun. tulum was built up more a tiny bit more than i had imagined, but there are wasn't a single building over 2 stories and the town was an perfect mix of budget hostels and boutique hotels, and simple cafes to restaurants with chefs trained in paris.  the town still had the bohemian charm i was hoping for.
the boys and i  checked into our hotel, La Zebra, which was truly a bit of heaven on earth.
it was everything a mega hotel isn't....low slung, no more than 15 rooms, and all rooms opened
directly on the beach which meant we could walk right off our little room's deck and sink our toes into the sand. it didn't have a pool, and didn't need one because the ocean was less than 30 yards away. we could see and hear the crashing waves from our room - a luxury i enjoy even more than a warm bath {the warm bath comes in right behind it}.


it was clear, an architect and landscape designer were used at this property because the attention to details was seen from everywhere - from the materials to the vegetation that was used for the landscape. the employees were warm, and because it was a small hotel, we learned many of the staff's names and they ours.  the best surprise for me was that the beaches in tulum weren't giant lakes like most caribbean beaches - flat and still.  those couldn't be more boring.  the way the currents and wind move, the beaches do get some small crashing wave which made it so much more enjoyable. finn and scout were able to check out the hotel's boogie boards and play for hours in ocean. the weren't surfing waves, but again, we knew this going in. c kept himself busy boogie boarding, playing paddle ball and soccer with scout.  i almost forgot, there was an elderly man whose job at the hotel was to stamp La Zebra in the sand all throughout the property. he used a mold and a bucket of water and would meticulously work on these stamps throughout the day.
when scout would find one that was stepped on, he would get upset and look for the culprit.
he was determined to catch someone in the act and call him out, but he never did. {i was kind of hoping he would}.
















































we did venture out of our hotel to explore the little town of tulum,
and to eat at various restaurants we even found a fantastic italian restaurant in 'old tulum' that received great reviews on yelp. we ordered a few pizzas and they didn't disappoint.


we spent two days visiting mayan ruins, the biggest being
chichen itza. because we had our own car and and had the flexibility
to avoid arriving with loads of tour buses, we were able to plan on trip to beat the tour buses to the park.
because chichen itza covered such a large area, we decided to get a guide to help us appreciate what we were seeing and how the mayan people lived. we shared the cost of the guide with a kind german couple. for 3 hours, we explored the park and various sites and learned so much! the boys enjoyed seeing where the mayan warriors held games and contests and were fascinated to learn that humans who were sacrificed, were probably drugged before they were thrown into cenotes. {more to come on cenotes further in my post}. though the mayan believed those sacrificed would go straight to their heaven, it's still human nature to resist death. *of course* i should note that tourists are no
longer allowed to climb on the famous iconic pyramid at chichen itza.
yeas back, an older woman fell down it, and died and it's been closed since.

the second ruin we visited was coba. it was smaller than chichen itza,
but the favorite for all of us. the reason being most of the ruins are not
fully excavated and unlike chichen itza, the jungle hasn't been cleared away.
the ruins are tucked back in the jungle which makes it feel more authentic.
in order to see the largest pyramid, visitors either have to hike a mile in to see
it, or they can ride bikes {or for the disabled or elderly - a pedicab is available}.
typically, I'd hike, but the boys and i had gotten up early and got on the road so we
could be at the gate when the park opened because we didn't want to deal with crowds.
to get to the main pyramid quickly, we opted to rent bikes for a few dollars each
and we ended up having a blast. there were probably a hundred bikes to chose from -
all different sizes.  we each selected one and we were off. we were the second ones
at the site and quickly climbed to the top. yes, this one tourists are still allowed to climb.
as i hiked with the boys, i asked the boys to "tread lightly" explaining how bad it was for
us to be climbing on the structure. in a few years, i am sure coba too, will be closed for
climbing. 

we also enjoyed swimming and exploring a few cenotes, which are
basically sinkholes that contain freshwater which the mayans used
for fresh water. today, they are used for recreation, and they are spectacular!  maybe not all, but so many of them are truly breathtaking and the good news is there are literally dozens throughout the region. we had no trouble finding them, and avoided the ones that were frequented by tour buses and tourists from cancun's  hotels.  there was only one time i regretted not bringing
my digital SLR camera and it was when visiting the cenotes.  my
iphone simply couldn't capture their beauty...the water color and my favorite cenote was one that had caverns to swim into. the boys enjoyed this
one too, but their favorite was the one that had a zipline over it.
we would get a running start from a deck and glide over the swimming hole and drop about 20'. i thought perhaps the thrill of ziplining for the boys was over since they've been doing it since
they were little {they did the real deal when scout was just 4 and finn 7}, but this was a different
experience because of the freefall. 

this vacation was a perfect blend of relaxation and adventure and

one that all of us will remember forever. if you haven't been to tulum, i highly recommend you visit. just don't tell all your friends so it doesn't become the next cancun. *wink*