non-negotiables

i can't get the last conversation i had with a girlfriend over the weekend, out of my head.
we met for brunch and she mentioned her upcoming wedding anniversary - 10 years.
woo hoo - a great milestone!! 

somehow we got to talking about our dating years
(i had to go back farther in time than her)
we questioned why we ever dated some of the duds we did.
was it the excitement, to gain more experience, to defy our parents? 
we weren't sure. maybe it was a combination.

regardless, those guys didn't last too
they would never fit the list we had in our heads.
you know the one ladies, it contains all the qualities the one must have.
i heard some girls actually have their list written out.
(i don't fault that at all - i'm a little type a) *grin*

we called it our non-negotiables

i thought i'd record mine so the boys can read it someday. here goes:

1. Honesty - This seems a little cliche, but really, there's nothing more important.
(i'm also lumping loyalty, dependability and faithfulness under this one)

2. Respect - Without respect, well why bother. It's the foundation of a healthy relationship.

3. Openness - I wanted a partner who was open to change and new experiences. 
Someone who would be willing to go outside their norm and truly LIVE life.

4. Kids - Like religion, this one is a deal breaker. You either want them or not.
More importantly, my partner would need to feel as strong as i did on the subject.
(i wanted them....way down the road)

5. Healthy - My future partner didn't need to have the body of Brad Pitt from his Thelma and Louise days,  but he had to take care of himself.  Exercise would be part of his lifestyle and a smoker or drinker were out of the question.

6. Hardworker - Someone who strives to improve both their work and home life was high on my list. (He didn't have to be a CEO of a company)

7. Family - Someone who valued family - not just his marriage and children, but his parents, grandparents, siblings, etc.  Also being home for dinner every night{most nights}was important to me.

so there they are - simple things really.
there may have been a few more but those were the biggies.

my girlfriend's list was very similar with the exception of religion.
raising her children catholic was important to her so that was on her list.
religion wasn't on my list at all.

someday, in the far off future, i will share this list with my finn and scout
and encourage them to think about their non-negotiables.

******************************
school ends on wednesday and renae (summer nanny) is supposed to start on thursday.
she's been in paris for a month and i haven't talked to her since she watched the boys
2 days before she left.  it was a test run really, to get acquainted and it went well.
the boys are looking forward to their time with her.

she was supposed to arrive home today so i'll be calling her tomorrow.
my fingers crossed everything is a go.