cutting the apron strings

i think the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them
to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to
experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway...
let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.
- c. joybell

i came across an old article from 2008 titled,
why i let my 9 year old ride the subway alone.

i was so moved by this mother - her ability to put her
fear aside for the growth of her child and her confidence to
write about it, even though she was judged harshly by other mothers.
she got so much grief for it, but i admire her for knowing her kid and
sticking to her guns.


i don't live in a densely urban area where I can put my boys on a subway
and send them to school. i wish i did, but i don't. i no longer have 'little'
kids and because of that, i don't worry much about them...at least not in
the same way i did years ago. when they start driving, that will change,
but until then, bodily safety isn't a big concern for me.

the only thing that causes me a degree of concern is scout riding his bike all
over the neighborhood. i will clarify here. i struggle NOT because i am afraid he will
be taken. statistically, i know the chances of a child being kidnapped are extremely low.
he's been taught since he was a toddler about 'stranger danger'.  even when he was
young, i didn't worry about that {though my mother did}. how often is a young
child away from an adult anyway? not often.

there were ONLY two things i worried about regularly when the boys were young.
they were drowning and getting hit by a car. that's it! those were legitimate and
real concerns.

water safety was, and still is, HUGE to me. because our boys have been around water from birth.
by age 4, we worked with both finn and scout so they were good swimmers, and i felt good about them in pools, but the ocean is a whole different thing. it's powerful and often unpredictable. c and i have tried to teach them everything we could about ocean safety, and put them in junior lifeguards as soon as they were old enough. we now sit on shore and let them go out alone. we just keep an eye
on them....or try to. 


preventing my kids from getting hit by a car was pretty easy when they were little.
in essence, i basically scared the s*&! out of them to keep them safe. by law, bikes aren't
supposed to ridden on sidewalks, but i made sure they did until they were a little older. i made it clear that if they were ever up against a car whether they be on foot, scooter, skateboard or bike, they will always be
the loser.


finn was {and still is} logical and a rule follower.  i could trust him to wait at curbs
and not go into the street at age 2. to this day, he was and remains cautious and
aware of traffic. scout on the other hand, would run into the road to retrieve a ball
that went into the street or his flip flop when it fell off as he was crossing.
he simply didn't think about traffic.

the family had to be a separate set of eyes for him. it wasn't until he turned 8 that i was really comfortable letting him ride his bike around the neighborhood alone, meaning without his brother
by his side. it may sound extreme, but he really wasn't ready before then. for other children,
they might be ready alot earlier. we live in a neighborhood with some pretty steep hills, and kids and cars can't see each other in many areas. some days, i literally held my breath {and said a small pray}, that scout would make it to his destination and then home.

being a parent is hard...really hard!

we have to access risk and know our children well enough to keep them safe.
finding that article about the mother who let her 9 year old ride the subway alone was just what i needed to remind me that it's important to know when to cut those apron strings.