tween talk

youth is a time of change.
between the ages of 12 and 17, a parent can age 30 years.
- unknown

i hope today's quote is a slight exaggeration.
actually, i hope it's a huge exaggeration.
i've heard horror stories about the teen years,
but I also know a few teens that are truly amazing!
my boys have been wonderful little kids...my hope is they will
be wonderful teens too.  

I am the mother of a tween, and it won't be too long
before i have a teen! i have been trying to prepare for what's around the corner.  i know some of the techniques and skills
c and I have already established are going to helpful, but i've been reading recommended books, asking lots of questions and having discussions with moms of older boys to learn as much as i can. {us parents can't wing it}

though i don't see physical changes in finn yet, there are plenty of changes happening on the inside. finn is starting to 'detach' a bit from us.  i know this is normal as he is learning to trust himself and others outside his family unit. it's a crucial step to becoming independent and preparing to enter the adult world.  this isn't the part I struggle with.  c and i have always encouraged alot of independence...even at early ages.  as parents who work full time, we could never helicopter....we had to learn to trust and rely on others early on with our children.  this helped with everything - leaving them with sitters, with friends for playdates, sleepovers, and even putting them on a cross-country flight to their grandparents home in florida 2 summers ago.    

the trickier part for me has been watching a boy who used to talk incessantly to being a little more quiet and contemplative and to see a boy who would basically do anything we asked of him, starting pushing back.  in short, finn is starting to become his own man and that transition is different and not always easy to understand.  i struggled with this recently and I wanted to be sure to record because my tween completely threw me for a loop! 

our family attended a poetry reading for the finn and his 6th grade friends recently. before the event started, i met a wonderful mother/woman who i thought would make a perfect addition to our 'school mom's  book group. this mother told me her daughter has talked a lot about finn and that they shared a table together in their english/humanities class. this was news to me as finn had never mentioned this girl. 

the program started and i never had the chance to swap contact information with this woman. the next evening, i asked finn if he would pass my contact information along to gabby, the daughter of this mother i met. i even told him why so he understood the importance. instead of his usual "sure mom", no problem", he said "you should have gotten it when we were at the event. i'm not doing that".  i was so confused.  I pressed again and he was adamant that he would not do it. i was tired  and became flustered.  I raised my voice at him, asking WHY he was being so difficult and couldn't do such an easy thing.

scout emphatically interjected, i would do it for you mom"! i thought of course...sweet 8 year old boys will do most anything for their moms. my favorite parenting book reminds me he is in the ‘lover’ stage {oh what a wonderful stage this is}. finn, however, is the ‘individual’ stage.

c must have heard some mom/tween angst and appeared at the boys' bedroom door and gently nodded for me to come to him.  in the kitchen, out of earshot, he asked what happened and i explained what i had asked of finn and what his response was. c seemed to be much more attune to a 12 year old boys needs.  he offered a few  possible explanations, one being that he had had an extremely long day at school, was tired, was working on homework and simply didn't want to another  thing or 'burden' imposed on him. 

the other explanation, and probably the correct one, was he's a TWEEN. i had asked finn not only to talk to a girl, but to give her a note from his mother.  *gasp* apparently, this can be very uncomfortable for a 12 year old boy....especially one that is shy around girls and has had little experience with them. middle school is different than grade school. kids are changing and peers and their opinions of each other are more important than ever. finn might have been too shy or even worried what it would look to his peers had they seen him passing a note to this girl. 

GEEZ!  neither of those had occurred to me. to a 40+ woman, the request is simple and easy, but to a 12 year old boy, it's HUGE.  though finn has made the transition to a tween and into middle school, i haven't made the mental transition.  it's so new for me and i recognize this now. 

i thanked c....for his subtle way of diffusing the situation, for sharing his knowledge of boys and his patience with me. oh how I love him and will be relying on his male brain to help me navigate this new chapter in my life. there will certainly be more posts on this journey. 


~ this is the 2nd week of the boys' spring break.  their father has taken them to a robotics competition in ventura {3 hours each way} because he loves them so, built a missile launcher with them for serious neighborhood battles, shuttled the boys back and forth to playdates and has hosted numerous ones at the house.  tomorrow, i'm going to give c a break so he can get some work done {there are bills to pay he reminds me}.   I have some fun activities planned....things we haven't done together in quite some time!  I hope to post some.

this is my hair

i wanted to dedicate a post to HAIR because if you are one of the few lucky
{or unlucky ones depending how you view it} that was born with LOTS of hair,
you understand how much hair impacts your life.

todd parr, a fun children's author/illustrator, wrote a book dedicated to HAIR that always
made me smile when i read to the boys. they were little then and didn't have much hair

to think about at the time, but now that they are older and their 'mature' hair has come in, 

they've started to notice their hair. well, finn just barely notices.

recently, the boys' hair had grown pretty long. our weekends were busy with activities

and we simply couldn't find a window to get them both in for haircuts. as finn's hair got
longer, it become limp and stuck to his head. scout's hair grew thicker and bigger, and 

the wave in his hair became more noticeable.  the kid has LOTS of hair.

finn takes after his father with the 'gerber' hair, and scout has the 'shappard' hair like mom.
men over the age of 30, would love this, but my 8 year old son does not.  he simply doesn't like

the heaviness and the wave of his thick hair and it was no consolation when i told him he will
never be bald or have a receding hairline when he's older. he seemed unimpressed that he will
have a full head of hair like his grandpa and uncles on the shappard side.  

though i don't have hair quite as thick or curly as my younger sister, i have ALOT of hair,
and can feel for young scout.  thick hair is a blessing and a curse and i'll share why.

it's a blessing because thick hair is voluminous and is associated with health and youth.

that's a good thing when one is 'middle aged' and those signs of aging start to creep up.
another benefit is most men (including my husband) seem to like lots of hair. it's feminine
and maybe it reminds them of the girlfriends of their youth...fresh faced and natural.
another benefit, thick hair also looks fantastic in braids and buns and it doesn't have to
be washed every day or even every other other day.  

here are the cons of thick hair: it takes longer for everything: to wash, dry, cut, highlight
and style. a visit to the salon takes me no less than 3 hours, and that's by a professional who 

has 15+ years of experience and can do foils and cut hair in her sleep. i could sit in a
beginner's stylist's chair for well over 4 hours. i have and it's no fun.   

having thick hair is more difficult to handle in general. if you go to bed with it damp,
it's still damp 8 hours later when you wake. if it's curly and you don't tame {smooth it}
before you go to bed, you can literally scare your family when you awake.
last, thick hair requires lots more product - conditioners, serums, etc. add up.
in summary thick hair = more time and money  

HAIR - love it or hate it, we are stuck with what we inherited.
we can alter it with chemicals  and cut it in new ways, but in the end, our natural hair
always comes through. someday i vow to stop paying an arm and a leg to highlight my hair,
but i'm not quite there yet.

at this moment, i just need to figure out a hair cut/style to help scout manage his mane.

st patty's day: 2016

a few months ago while speeding through target, scout saw st. patty's day decor
and reminded me to buy lucky charms for breakfast.  of course i said.  i wouldn't forget it.

it's the only time of the year i buy this cereal, so the boys look forward to it every year. 

discussion about st patty's day reminded me to jump online and sign up for our

annual st patty's day run.  this year, the race was the weekend before st. pattys day,
and finn had a surf camping trip so he missed it. it was a little strange not having him
with us.  this would have been his 8th year running it with me since they start at age 5.
{scout was happy to announce this was his 4th year}.

finn didn't seem bothered at all. he was looking forward to surfing, hiking and roasting
marshmallows with new friends. i learned the middle and high school surf teams went,
but because of the age differences, they had them at adjacent campsites.  c went as a
chaperon which finn loved, and it seems he and the dads had as much fun as all the kids.  

on the morning of the race, scout and i dressed in green, put shamrock stickers on our

cheeks and drove 5 minutes away to mission bay.  scout wasn't 100% when he woke up

and asked if we could do the 2 mile run instead of the 4 mile like we were planning. 

no problemo i said. i hadn't run but a handful of times in the last few months so short

nd sweet was fine with me. we made our way closer to the starting line, then ran into two
new friends i met at a recent 'game night' my neighbor hosted and she snapped a photo of

us.  20 minutes later, we crossed the finish line, were given cute medals and ate a piece of

pizza. {we left the green beer to the college kids}. 

oh how i love this run!  

everyone is always so happy, dressed in costume or at the very least, wearing green, 

and it's along beautiful mission bay.  the best part is, it's become a fun tradition.

i am sure there will be years when both boys have other activities that pulls them away,
but until that day, i'll be with my green team....or at least some of 'em.

the real st. patrick's day fell mid-week and the boys and i dressed
in green. finn was lucky to find a green collared shirt in his closet.
whew! tee shirts arent allowed at his middle school and if c and i
had our say, we'd love to send the boys to school in uniforms - it's
easy and is one less distraction for kids {and parents}.

scout was the luckiest of us all as his school chose st patty's day
as their 'pajama day'.  he scored wearing his green soccer pajamas
which  made him extra happy. despite my being a little 'irish', i didn't
prepare a traditional irish meal for dinner but i swear i will next year.
i've never cooked hash in my life, but i'm willing to give it a go.

~ i almost forgot to share that while our family was running and
camping, my dear momma friend was frantically signing up my
boys for jr. lifeguards. sign-ups took place on-line at specific times
for various age groups. spots fill up within minutes so it was stressful.
i was thrilled to finish the race to see a text from her announcing 'both
boys got in'. yay!!  summer is just around the corner!

nerds and geeks

a few weeks back, i overheard finn and scout discussing whether they were Geeks or Nerds.
they were discussing this in earnest and with much enthusiasm...insisting which one they were
and sharing reasons why.  i just sat back listening and smiling.

later in the week, i mentioned their conversation to a coworker, a proud engineer and nerd.
he chuckled and forwarded this link to me which i forwarded to my children and to c.
i found it highly entertaining and interesting.

http://m.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Difference-Between-Nerds-and-Geeks

after reading this thoroughly, i would classify our firstborn as a geek,
but there is some crossover because as #5 points out, nerds are typically interested
in STEM related subjects and well, that's finn....a huge science and space lover.

i wonder what finn would say he is. {i must remember to ask him}. 
though scout is highly intelligent, and scored higher on the IQ test than his brother,
i wouldn't consider him to be a geek or a nerd. he's far too well rounded.
he's better described as a 'renaissance man'.  {that's for another post}

from what i gathered, scout really wants to be considered a nerd or a geek,
so if he my youngest chooses to give himself one of these labels, this mom will support it.

what a wonderful time to live...when being a geek or a nerd is actually not a bad thing.
i love that the boys go to a school where being smart, is encouraged and celebrated.

all this talk reminded me of a book my 'serious' book group read a year or so ago. it's titled:
the geeks shall inherit the earth: popularity, quirk theory, and why outsiders thrive after high school.  

it was fascinating...and discusses why these people are our bosses today.

finn's #12: star trek party

finn's big day arrived with much anticipation.
{i think he was more excited about his cake and his sleepover than anything else}.

the party started around 3:30pm and his guest list was quite large this year....
a bit too large we all agreed after the fact. 

the nerf gun playing neighborhood boys were there, finn's school friends - old and new,
and even two brothers finn and scout have known since their preschool days - one is 11 and
the other is 8.  they moved away and are now back in san diego. scout was thrilled to have
another 8 year old in the house to hang out with.

the boys spent the beginning hours of the party running around the backyard, ziplining and
eating pizza and just before we started the movie, we unveiled the very cool borg ship cake
that c lovingly baked and decorated.  finn was beaming and his friends oohed and awed over it.
i told c that if finn remembers just ONE thing from his childhood birthdays, it's NOT going to be
the cute matching paper products, the movie or even the presents. it will be the cakes his dad makes
for him.  i really believe this.    

this year's cake was inspired by an episode from star trek, the next generation that finn and c had
watched a few days before the birthday celebration.  the uss enterprise was under attack by the borg
collective and well, the cake was a scene directly from it. c had to pull back down the plastic bin
of christmas ornaments so he could dig out finn's uss enterprise ship as a prop in his design.

after the cake, the boys watched star trek- into darkness under the stars and warm blankets. 
they also ate more popcorn and candy. parents of boys: this is the age boys start to eat more.
a few boys didn't have the attention span to sit through the movie {finn had warned me of this},
and ended up playing ping pong.

all but 4 of finn's birthday guests were picked up by 8pm. a few hand-selected
boys stayed over for a sleepover.  the little boys {scout and mason} were out by 9:30pm,
and the big boys by 10pm.  still, i woke up to the sounds of  'boy noise' outside. 
they were ziplining at 7am! {how c's mother survived 5 boys - a year apart blows my mind}. 

i still can't believe we have a TWEEN....who is very close to being a teenager!
{the eye rolling reminds me when i forget}.

~ finn received a very cool trek communicator badge which he wore all night.
i'll try to capture a detailed photo of it and save here.