We’re all made of star stuff.
~ Carl SaganI found this quote years ago when I was looking into more about Carl Sagan and it intrigued me and seemed appropriate for Finn’s 15th birthday. He has always been a star that shines bright, and his fascination with our universe just makes it even more appropriate.
I didn’t and still really don’t understand the science behind this
quote, but I did learn this is something Sagan said in one of his Cosmos
episodes. I did some investigating and here’s what I learned. Sagan’s statement sums up the fact that the
carbon, nitrogen and oxygen atoms in our bodies as well as atoms of all other
heavy elements, were created in previous generations of stars over 4.5 billion years
ago. Because humans and every other animal, as well as most of the matter on
Earth contain these elements, we are literally made of star stuff. Finn probably could have explained this to
me, but these days he isn’t home much and when he is, he doesn’t talk much. He
is a typical teenage boy, and if you’ve had or have one, you know all about this.
Finn,
In keeping with my tradition, today I am recording 15 things I want to
remember about you at this time in your life. I know some of these are from my perspective, and may not be completely accurate or agreed on by you, but this is how your mother sees you at 15.
1. You started high school this year!
Yep, it’s CRAZY to think of, but
it’s true! You are in the 9th grade and officially in high school. You have been waiting for this for so very long
Finn. Instead of staying at the HTH Point Campus you’ve been at since you were
in Kindergarten, you decided to move to a new Campus closer to home, though still
not within walking distance unfortunately. Your school, High Tech High (HTH), purchased a large Christian private
school and are in the middle of renovating it and creating a new K-12 Campus. It’s
exciting and though most of the Campus is still under construction, a few buildings were completed this past Summer and HTH accepted 120 incoming 9th
graders. Most of the students are brand new to the school and had to go through the lottery system to get accepted, but you were part of a few from the Point Loma Campus who asked to transfer Campuses. You were accepted and will be the FIRST graduating class at High Tech High Mesa. Pretty cool! This was completely your decision, and we
questioned if you’d be ok at a school with no upper classman your entire 4
years, but you were ok with this. We know one of the reasons you chose this Campus
is the school's Robotics Team, the Holy Cows, would be meeting here since this new school has more square footage and the space to house the Team and all it's equipment.
2. You joined your high school's robotics team.
This might be the very best part of
joining school exiting than starting High School. You would have joined The Holy Cows when you were in elementary school if they’d have allowed it. You’ve been attending
robotics competitions and cheering on HTH’s Holy Cows team since you were in
Kindergarten. You’ve always loved to build and have been fasinated with all things electronic, so
your dad made sure to keep you inspired and taking you to robotics competitions
was one of MANY ways he did it. I used to go to some of the competitions, but I
don’t love robotics enough to watch other children compete. When YOU compete of course, I will be
there in the stands cheeering you.
The Holy Cows have become a huge part
of your life Finn. You are in the middle of ‘Build Season right now which means
for 6 weeks, you are basically living at the school or the machine shop when
you aren’t in school. You spend 8 hours
a day every weekend at school and are there after school until 8pm every night.
You officially have Fridays off. You
squeeze in any homework you have during your lunch hour and in the evenings
after you come home. Your dedication is
amazing and inspiring. More than anything, your dad and I want our children to
find something that makes you happy and you’ve found it Finn. You also found your people.
A few months ago when we were
alone in the car, you said “I finally met people that are like me”. You were so happy and I was too. I remember
you in tears when you were in 3rd grade telling me that no one likes
the things you like. That no one was like you”.
My heart broke for you. You were
different….and we hadn’t come across any children your age who shared your
passion or interests and your knowledge of those things. It’s rare and we assured you high school and college is where you would find your tribe...your people. You have, and life is wonderful for you.
3. You got a dog this year.
We are now a proud family of Bonita, an adorable salt and pepper Miniature Schnauzer! For years we had been talking about getting a dog, and with your dad working from home, and you and Scout able ot take on some of the care of a dog, it seemed like a great time to add a furry baby to our lives. You were busy on the Saturday morning when we went to look for a rescue dog, but Scout was free and wouldn’t have missed the opportunity for the world. We were specifically looking for a female dog, since I was so outnumbered at home with males, and Scout picked out a sweet girl named Bonita, who was shaking and hiding in a corner when he discovered her. I was hesitant at first about her. We are an active family, with friends coming in and out of our home, and I worried this dog might not adjust to our lifestyyle. We did the 'foster to adopt' program so if she didn't work out, we had 4 weeks to return her. Within a few weeks, she started to adjust. You love her as much as all of us, but you aren’t home a lot these days, so she misses you and greets you at the door with a small howl which his her way to say 'hello, i'm so glad you are home'. Summer is when she gets lots of time with you and your brother and well, I don't know what more to say other than she has brought so much JOY into our family. We all speak to her in high voices and we all shower her with love. It's like having a baby in our home. You even tolerate it when I dressed her up for Halloween.
4. You keep
outgrowing your clothes.
Last year, you were the same height as me on your birthday – 5’-3". This year, I have to look UP to look into your eyes which means you are now a few inches taller than me now. You
told me you are no longer the smallest boy in your grade which you are quite
happy about. I knew you wouldn't be. You aren't tall, but I knew you wouldn't be 5' as an adult male. You didn’t have as big of a growth as you did your previous year,
but you are growing and will continue to grow for quite some time. All of your size 12 jeans are too short and you've outgrown all your size 12 shirts as well. This is PROOF you are still growing Finn Oliver. You now are a solid size 14 in everything I buy.
5. You are always hungry.
You are a growing teenage boy and this means you are hungry often. Mothers of teenagers warned me of this and when you were picky and barely touched your food, it was hard to imagine. Now I chuckle to myself when I think of how much time I spent trying to coerce you to eat when you were little. You were a picky eater, and you’ve always been thin..neven as a baby you didn't have a roll of fat. The doctors worried for a brief period as you fell off the charge, but that was a super brief time when you were transitioning from breast milk to formula. All that worrying was for nothing as you are healthy and you are no longer particular. You eat most anything now which is wonderful.
6. Sushi is still your favorite
On Friday evenings, when we are all exhausted after a week of school, work and activities, our family typically gets 'take out'. You almost always want sushi, and if it was just you and me, we’d eat it every Friday night, but it’s not just you and me most Friday nights. We have two other family members who love Mexican food, so we take turns. Sometimes we will even get Chinese food, because we all agree on this. Since you’ve been basically living at your high school over the past 6 weeks for robotics, your dad often surprises you with sushi when there isn’t dinner being provided to you kids. He is a regular at a two sushi places and I think they know him by name. When he brings sushi to you at school or has it waiting for you when he picks you up, the smile on your face says it all.
7. The ocean is one of your happy places.
You aren't on the high school Surf Team this year. You considered it, but knew there would be a conflict once robotics started up. Your father and I encouraged you to join the Team, despite not being able to attend all the practices once robotics started, but you didn't want to do this. You like to be committed and I understand this. Still, you surf with your dad pretty regularly in the Fall, Spring and Summer months. In the Winter, Southern Calfornia's water temperature is cold, and though you have a full wetsuit (our entire family does), surfing in Winter is more sporadic. Like most sane people, you enjoy warmer water and your favorite is taking vacations down south where the water is always warm. You told me once that some of your very best memories are of our Mexico vacations where you surf every day - usually multiple times. You especially loved the vacation where you volunteered with turtles every morning and surfed all afternoon with your buddy Luca and your dad. I'm so grateful you had that opportunity. Those are the kinds of memories that stay with you a lifetime. I'd love for the family to do some type of volunteer vacation together. Your dad and I have discussed it a bit and he is all for it. We just need to find the right organization, and one that will allow kids under 16 to participate. Many organizations have a minimum age. We'll keep looking...
8. You still have zero interest in social media
Some of your friends have Instagram accounts, and I follow some of them, as well as your robotics team, because it gives me a little extra insight to your friends and teenagers in general, but you have absolutely no interest in it. You think it’s a waste of time. It is in big scheme of things. I think even us adults know this. It's a little diversion and can be fun, but it should never take the place of real connection. You prefer to spend your free time hanging out with friends and if you can't do that, you text them. As a listen to my mom friends with girls talk about the agony that social media has caused with their daughters, I feel pretty lucky that I don't have any of that to deal with. I'm sure there is occasional drama with boys on social media, but I don't hear about it.
9. You are a great student
School has always come easy for you, and your dad and I have never had to ask you to do your homework….EVER! Some people hardly believe this, but we never have. You and Scout are self motivated when it comes to your education. You want to do well and you understand the value in doing your homework and making good grades. This year, your Freshman year of high school, you told me you are actually challenged. Your dad and I LOVE hearing this because we want you to be challenged. You are taking all Honors courses and you are making straight As. You were disappointed that you didn’t make an A+ in Physics this past semester. I tried to be sympathetic, but for someone who struggled with math, it’s hard for me to relate. You know that college is highly competitive and you want the highest GPA you can possibly get, so that your high school transcripts show well. Oh Finn, you sure put a lot on your own shoulders, and I hope you know we notice how hard you work. We admire your hard work and are proud of you.
10. You are a young man of few words
I came across a birthday card that said this and I presented it to you on the morning of your birthday. The inside of the card read ‘from a woman of many words’. You laughed out loud and said “this is the PERFECT card mom”. It sure was! I’m a talker and you aren’t…at least not since you’ve become a teenager. When you were younger, you talked almost incessently....sharing everything that was on your mind. Since you’ve reached adolescence, you don’t say as much which according to almost of my momma friends with older boys, and the books on parenting that I've read, this is normal and more common. My momma friends who have daughters tell me they wish they could trade with me. Apparently, their daughters talk all the time….incessantly, so much that it drives them crazy sometimes. It’s hard to even imagine. I would love more words from you Finn....Dad too. The silver lining is, though you are a man of few words, I’ve noticed you are listening to us...most of the time. Your dad and I learned this because you’ll comment or bring up something you heard us discussing and we thought you had tuned us out. This is always a welcome surprise as we love hearing you share your thoughts.You are a thinker and are wise beyond your years. You add so much to conversations. When we have adults friends over for dinner or even for a pool party, you elevate any conversation with your perspective when you join in. Adults appreciate this Finn, and from years back, commented that you don't belong at the kid table.
11. Your love of reading continues.
Science fiction is still your favorite genre and you seem to always be waiting for another book to be published in series that you are reading. The Red Rising Series has a new book coming on in the Summer and you can hardly wait. Currently, you are reading the classic book, Dune by Frank Herbert and loving it. Fortunately, you attend a school that is liberal and places a large emphasis on social justice, so you’ve had to venture out of your typical genre and read books that you probably wouldn’t have picked up on your own. I love this because it help you be more well-rounded (a world I use all the time at home). Some recent books you’ve read are Giovanni’s Place by James Baldwin and Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson. You recommended both to me, and I read. Like you, I found Giovanni's Place depressing and personally, I felt it a bit too mature for 14 year olds, but I loved Just Mercy and believe it might be the most important book that either of us read this year. My boss borrowed my copy and had the same sentiments. We both thank you for introducing to us.
12. You quit piano lessons
As disheartened as I was about your decision, I agreed to let you give up piano lessons. It was reallly difficult for me to agree to this. I had lots of discussions about it with you, your father, respected colleagues, girlfriends, my mother and my mother-in-law. Music is a huge part of my life, and has so many benefits. I was afraid that letting you quit would prevent you from enjoying all those things music brings to me and I enjoy so much as an adult. I enjoy playing the piano for so many reasons...being able to make music to sing along to, for others to enjoy, the challenge of new songs, how it relaxes me, and how it simply brings me joy! I want you to enjoy ALL these benefits too, and possibly more. You played for 8 years Finn, and rarely complained about it. You didn't love playing, I could see that, but you didn't hate it either. You enjoyed the challenge of learning a new piece and said as much, but playing didn't excite or move you in the way it does for me, or in a way that science and other things move you. When your piano teacher of 4 years, Mr. Patrick, announced he was no longer able to teach as he was moving on to play for a musical theater group full time here in town, you declared it was the perfect time to quit because you were starting high school and would be too busy. You were joining robotics and you wouldn't have much free time. I knew your schedule would be busier than ever and in the end, I agreed. I believe forcing anyone to do something they really don't want to do, can sour the experience, and you did give music lots of years which I think (and hope) will allow you to still be able to pick up sheet music years from now and play at least at a basic/beginner level. From time to time, I notice you will sit down at the piano and play. You typically are wearing headphones and aren't reading sheet music, so i have no idea what you are playing, but it makes me smile seeing you at the piano. Our hope is that you continue to sit down from time to time throughout high school so you don't completely lose all that you've learned.
13. You listen to music a lot now
A year ago, when your dad and I
would share a song with you that I thought you might like, you would tell us you "weren’t really interested in music". I'd GASP and say I don’t believe it. Your
dad would just grin. We are big music lovers, and as someone who plays the piano and who paid for years of piano lessons for you, I couldn’t accept it. A part of me knew you were being purposefully
obstinate, and your dad said it would just be a matter of time...that you would find music that you enjoy and that moves you. You finally have. You don’t share your music with us much, but that's part of being a teenager I've learned. As you separate from your parents, you aren't supposed to share everything...some things are meant to be yours alone and for now, your music is one of these. Still, it makes us smile knowing you now enjoy music of your own. You put on your headphones alot and listen to music and you clean the pool or do your chores. It makes us smile.
14. If you have or have ever had a crush on someone, you’ve been quiet about it.
Again, you are a man of few
words, and this is one subject you’ve been very quiet about. I’m certainly in no rush for you to fall for
someone or for you to get your heart broken. Both happen to all of us at some
point in our lives, and I have a feeling that when a young woman breaks your
heart, I’ll secretly feel a little /Mean Girl-ish' about it. Last year, you said you weren't going to get serious about any girl during high school and frankly, your dad and I hope you don't. We prefer you to focus on your education and making good friends than falling in love. There's lots of time for that.
15. You’ll be getting your driving 'Learner's Permit’ in 6 months.
YEP!! It both excites and terrifies me. It will be wonderful to have an additional driver in the family, as your dad and I literally feel like taxi drivers shuttling you to and from school and robotics. I think I've put a thousand miles on my car in just the past 6 months. It sure would take alot off us, when you start driving, but with driving comes a whole new set of concerns and worries for your dad and me. San Diego is a big city with lots of freeways and traffic and we like to drive fast. It's not like living in the country or even in a small city. It's not even like living in Orlando where I grew up. Your dad and I will make sure you take your time getting you used to driving in San Diego...first to and from school and then eventually get you on the freeway. Though I haven't checked into it (I'm sure you have), I think you can get your Driver's Permit at age 15 1/2 and then your regular license at 16 1/2? I believe CA's rules are a bit more stringent than most of the country when it comes to driving and I'm perfectly ok with this. Maybe by mid-way through your Sophomore year, you'll be driving yourself to school.
15. Last, you are loved SO much!
From the day you arrived on this earth, you’ve blessed it and our family. Your dad and I couldn’t be more proud of you Finn Oliver Gerber. You are a fabulous big brother to Scout. I know he annoys you sometimes and you sometimes wish you had your own room, but you understand that’s part of being an older sibling. As for parenting you, your dad and I have said it a thousand times…you’ve made parenting pretty‘easy’, and though we want to believe we have a little something to do with the this, we know that you are an exceptional person. You think deeply about what you say and do and the decisions you make come stem from this. You are deliberate and this is a beautiful thing. Your dad and I are grateful that we get to be your parents and have delighted in watching you learn and grow. We are so proud of the young man you are Finn, and man you are becoming. Continue to reach for the stars, work hard, and be a kind human. Great things will come from it.
All my love,
Mom
~ I almost forgot your stats. Those are important. You are 64” (5’- 4”), 95 lbs. and you wear size 14 in jeans and shirts. You wear a size 7 shoe.
15. You’ll be getting your driving 'Learner's Permit’ in 6 months.
YEP!! It both excites and terrifies me. It will be wonderful to have an additional driver in the family, as your dad and I literally feel like taxi drivers shuttling you to and from school and robotics. I think I've put a thousand miles on my car in just the past 6 months. It sure would take alot off us, when you start driving, but with driving comes a whole new set of concerns and worries for your dad and me. San Diego is a big city with lots of freeways and traffic and we like to drive fast. It's not like living in the country or even in a small city. It's not even like living in Orlando where I grew up. Your dad and I will make sure you take your time getting you used to driving in San Diego...first to and from school and then eventually get you on the freeway. Though I haven't checked into it (I'm sure you have), I think you can get your Driver's Permit at age 15 1/2 and then your regular license at 16 1/2? I believe CA's rules are a bit more stringent than most of the country when it comes to driving and I'm perfectly ok with this. Maybe by mid-way through your Sophomore year, you'll be driving yourself to school.
15. Last, you are loved SO much!
From the day you arrived on this earth, you’ve blessed it and our family. Your dad and I couldn’t be more proud of you Finn Oliver Gerber. You are a fabulous big brother to Scout. I know he annoys you sometimes and you sometimes wish you had your own room, but you understand that’s part of being an older sibling. As for parenting you, your dad and I have said it a thousand times…you’ve made parenting pretty‘easy’, and though we want to believe we have a little something to do with the this, we know that you are an exceptional person. You think deeply about what you say and do and the decisions you make come stem from this. You are deliberate and this is a beautiful thing. Your dad and I are grateful that we get to be your parents and have delighted in watching you learn and grow. We are so proud of the young man you are Finn, and man you are becoming. Continue to reach for the stars, work hard, and be a kind human. Great things will come from it.
All my love,
Mom
~ I almost forgot your stats. Those are important. You are 64” (5’- 4”), 95 lbs. and you wear size 14 in jeans and shirts. You wear a size 7 shoe.
