- anne lamott
dearest finn,
thirteen years ago today, your dad and i became parents to a bald and bouncing baby boy - YOU! from day one, we were smitten...literally on cloud nine for probably the first year of your life. i think our faces probably ached from all the smiling. for ten years, your dad and i had lived a relatively carefree life together before you arrived, but you turned everything on end! still, we welcomed it all - the chaos, the bliss and the pure exhaustion. we were as ready as we could ever be to be parents. now you are 13, and we are in awe of the person you have become. i have mixed feelings about you entering your teen years. a part of me wants to freeze time so i can enjoy just a little bit more of your childhood years, but another part of me is really excited about what is ahead of you. as tradition goes, here are 13 things i have observed about you and would like to remember about you as you enter your teen years:
1. you dream big and are discovering your place in the world
your dad and i tell you the world is your oyster, and you believe it. you look at the world with endless wonder and possibilities and talk often about what you might do someday. some days you tell us you want to work for elon musk at spaceX and other days you think you'll design aircraft or rovers as an aerospace engineer. we remind you there is lots of time to decide what you want to study in college and what job you want when you are an adult. for now, just enjoy being a middle schooler and exploring your interests.
2. you love sushi
if you have your choice of any meal for a special dinner, you chose sushi. you weren't a fan of it after eating grocery store bought sushi {ick}, but absolutely loved it after trying fresh sushi at a restaurant. your favorite place to go is wasabi sushi, our neighborhood restaurant, that is just around the corner. i take you here very other month when we have our mom/son evenings out. we sit at the sushi bar where the sushi chef knows your name and your favorite dish. you tell me about your latest projects at school and whatever else is on your mind. i treasure these evenings with you and i think you do too.
3. you are still an old soul
from as far back as i can remember, you've been wise beyond your years. during your preschool days, i journaled that you were like an adult in a tiny body. you listened to reason from a very early age, spoke clearly and looked adults in the eyes and would tell us what was best for you to watch on tv {even before we told you}. i'll never forget the time when i was trying to find something for you to watch on tv while i made dinner. you announced that the cartoon network was "dumb tv" and that it didn't teach kids anything. you told me pbs kids was the best because it was educational. i was already a fan of pbs kids, but i didn't know a thing about the other network. a few weeks later when the family was staying at a hotel somewhere, i turned the television and the carton network was on and you were absolutely right {hopefully it's gotten better over the years}? it's as if you knew at the tender of 4, that if you are going to spend time doing something, you might as well be learning. you have so much discipline finn, more than most adults really. you are unique in this way and it has and will serve you well. sometimes i think you would really like to fast forward into adulthood. you see adults as having endless freedom, a car, and our own money. what you don't see is all the responsibilities and stress that can come with a mortgage/rent, a job and the responsibility of raising two humans. these things are ALOT harder than being a child, trust me. try to enjoy these years finn and don't wish to grow up too fast. adulthood comes soon enough.
4. you are loyal
you are a great son, friend and brother, and spend your energy on this small group. you don't have or seem to want a big social network and i'd consider you more of an introvert than a extrovert. some would never guess this because you engage with others, know how to build consensus and be a leader, but social engagements don't excite you in the way they do for your little brother or your mom. you prefer the company of your two closest friends to a big group of kids. while most of the boys are throwing a football around at school after lunch, you and andrew, your best friend, prefer to talk about rocket designs, ksp or the next spaceX launch. someday your conversations might include girls, but for now they don't. you told me recently that "it's ridiculous to even think about girls during middle school and you might think about them after grad school. a part of me truly believes this might be true. you have so much self discipline finn, but then again, you just turned 13. time will tell.
5. you love dessert
i joke that you and scout got this from your southern mama, because you want something sweet or salty every night after dinner. you and your brother tell me you have a 'second stomach' just for dessert. your favorites dessert is ice cream {you enjoy many flavors} and you absolutely love popcorn. you can easily devour a bag or two on your own if we let you. in trying to raise 'healthier' kids, the typical desserts are now reserved for weekends.{now if only mr. gerber will get on board}
6. you still enjoy reading but...
about two months ago, when we selected the diary of anne frank from our library shelf, you asked that it be our last read aloud book together. you said it gently, with your arm around me knowing that it would be hard for me to hear. you and i have been reading consistently together since you were a baby. it's something we have both enjoyed for years, but as you started saying "i'm a teenager now mom", you didn't need to say more. i understood. the conversation ended with you telling me to keep recommending books i think you will like and you will read them and we can discuss. oh how i loved this finn.
we currently have 1/4 of anne frank left and we are both thoroughly enjoying it. you are getting insights into teenage girls, which is new for you. your eyebrows have gone up several times throughout the book, and i chuckle inside my head when this happens. when we finish this book, i imagine there will be tears flowing from me, not just for anne frank and her family, but for the end of this chapter in my life with you. i will miss reading with you. of all the things i've given you over your 13 years finn, an appreciation for books and reading might be what i'm most proud of. i've watched books open your eyes to things you were didn't know exist and fill your mind when things you wanted to know more about. books have taught you more compassion, more vocabulary, and to be a better speller. you know have a strong foundation finn, and my hope is you enjoy reading for the rest of your years...alone, to your children and someday your grandchildren.
7. you look up to your father
i watch you daily and see how important it is for you to have your dad's approval. even more than mine, you want your fathers. i believe this has much to do with you being a male like him. you are learning what it is to be a man and i hope you continue to look at your father as a role model because he is a good man. he is kind, intelligent, hardworking, resourceful, has a great sense of humor and he values family. he puts hours of effort and energy into our family and into you and scout. there isn't a week or weekend that goes by when he isn't engaged in some type of project with you boys {you spent 4 hours today building an estes rocket}. work and making tons of money is not his priority, nor are his friends or even tennis and surfing. the old saying, 'people make time for what they love' leaves no room for doubt who your dad loves finn. he makes time for US because he loves US most of all. you are a lucky kid....we are a lucky family. stay close to your dad and he'll help you navigate these teenage years ahead.
8. you enjoy surfing
you prefer warm water to cold and wish san diego had warmer water {me too}, but you still surf. you have a full suit and even booties but it's still cold. still, you find it worth it and enjoy the calm of the ocean from the shores and the thrill of riding a wave. when you see dolphins in the water while you are out in the surf, it's makes your entire day. though you enjoy catching waves, you don't care much about surf competitions. if you have a choice, you'd just practice with your team every week and skip the competition part. typically, you are an 'alternate' on the roster during competitions, but 3 out of 5x tournaments, you compete because your team needs you. today, they did and you took 4th in your heat which earned 3 points for your high tech surf team. you didn't seem to care, but c and i are proud of you and glad you have something that you enjoy, and that you contribute to a team when you are needed. and don't forget, when the water is warm, or we ware on vacation in a tropical climate, surfing is something the entire family can do together. {your mom isn't as tough as you when it comes to cold water, but will go when we are somewhere tropical}
9. you want more privileges and responsibilities
this past year has been full of changes for you and our family. since you turned 12 last january, you babysit on occasion for neighbors and for family friends with young children, AND you get to be home alone with scout for a few hours every week. because you have shown you are responsible, your dad and i are having regular weekly date nights since we are saving money on a sitter. you and scout are getting free reign of the house for a few hours and you both absolutely love this! honestly, i would have left you at home alone with scout at age 10 because i felt you were ready, but your dad insisted we wait until you were 12. i think he worried more about you and scout fighting and getting hurt....not burning down the house. these days, we don't worry much about that anymore. you two have found ways to get along or at least are able to do your own thing so there is less confrontation.
another privilege you received was your first cell phone. *gasp* we had planned on giving you one for your 13th birthday, but your dad was upgrading and there was a 'special', so you received a phone 2 months early. you were ready for it and promptly told us that you wouldn't abuse it. to date you haven't{it's early yet but we are hoping it lasts}. you have no interest in social media, claiming it's for "girls and a waste of time", so that's one less thing your dad and i have to worry about. what you do on your phone is what most boys your age do, you text and talk to your buddies, watch youtube videos and play video games. we've set boundaries and overall, you've been responsible with this new freedom. last, you have no complaints when we asked that you plug your phone in to the 'central charging station' in the kitchen every night so it doesn't go to your bedroom. this is a non-negotiable! it works wonderfully for couples and will for growing teenagers who need sleep for their growing bodies.
for the last 3, i decided to do something a bit different. i felt the need to give you a short list of things i want you to remember over your teen years. there is so much more, but there will be more birthdays. for now....
10. Be Kind
being a teenager can be really hard. your dad and i were once there and though it was a long time ago, we remember what it's like. your body is going to go through lots of changes, you'll have deadlines and projects at school, piano recitals, peer pressure and probably a bit of girl drama {at some point} and lots of other things that will cause you frustration. your dad and i will do our best to be patient and show you kindness through all this, and we ask that you do the same. i know your little brother can be a pain sometimes, but keep scout close. friends may come and go, but your brother will always be there. he loves you so much and looks up to you. be especially kind to him.
11. Own your life
no one owes you anything finn. you must work hard to get what you want in life so take the time to think about what that is. it's never too early to think about your future - even if it's just in some areas of your life. your dad and i have encouraged age appropriate independence since you were a toddler and will continue to do this during your teen years. our job is to prepare you to be a capable and contributing adult in the world. we will do our best to support you, but always remember that YOU are responsible for your own life...YOU shape your destiny.
12. Always call home
No matter what the situation, check in with us. As you get older, you will be away from us more and more and for peace of mind, we need to know you are safe. We may not always like the decisions you make, but we always want to know you are safe and will always be here for you.
13. Think positively
Your life will move towards what you're constantly thinking about, so don't think negative thoughts. Think happiness, success, and that you have enough. Show gratitude and often...this will help you be content in your life.
i am deeply grateful to be your mom and am grateful you were our firstborn. you made it easier for us to decide to give you a brother. you bring calm to our home, help us see the world in a new ways and you bring up our family's collective IQ. for this and so much more, thank you finn.
we love you. happy thirteen!!
Your Stats: at 13, you are 57" (4-9"), weigh 75 lbs, wear a size 10 in jeans and shirts, and a size 3.5 tennis shoe. you are slight compared to most boys your age, but this doesn't bother you in the least. because sports aren't important to you, you don't care about being tall or having big muscles. you are a 'thinker' and your brain is your biggest asset. as long as that's intact, you have everything you need.
